Confectionery items

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An exclamation originally coined by Abba and much favoured of Alan Partridge.

Also the name of a Polish sweet, found in Mission 11 22px-Flag of Poland.svg.png Colonel.png11 Gdańsk, which seems to consist of sesame seeds gummed together in sugar syrup, to form a kind of wafer.



Brejk is a confectionary item available in Finland, and discovered in Mission 12 22px-Flag of Finland.svg.png Colonel.png12 Helsinki. It comes in sections and is made up of a chocolate filling surrounded by more chocolate. It tastes pretty good.


Chalwa 1.jpg

Chalwa is a rather hideous confection masquerading as a chocolate bar, encountered in Mission 11 22px-Flag of Poland.svg.png Colonel.png11 Gdańsk. It consists of sand glued together with lark’s vomit, though there is no reference to this on the packaging. The regiment were foolish enough to purchase some in Gdynia for their trip to Hel. It will be remembered as one of the most disgusting things they have ever tasted.

Rupert rather likes chalwa.



Cratch is a chocolate bar uncovered in Mission 1 22px-Flag of France.svg.png Colonel.pngColonel.png1 Paris. It is sold in vending machines along with Mr Tom, Nuts and Twix Tops. The Colonel's Regiment tried on several occasions to obtain some Cratch from one of these machines, but every one they encountered refused to provide them with this most delicious of confectionery items. However, on the final day, Dave obtained a whole pack of 4 Cratch bars from a vending machine at the Gare du Nord and held the packet aloft in celebration. Cratch can be most accurately described as a chocolate wafer bar.

Fake Plopp

Swedish chocolate bar purchased by Mike in Mission 3 22px-Flag of Sweden.svg.png Colonel.png3 Stockholm. It was actually on the same shelf as, and in similar packaging to, the comedy chocolate bar Plopp, but without the comedy name. Its cunning disguise paid off, causing Mike to purchase the bar in error, along with some genuine Plopp. Needless to say, we had the last laugh, as it actually turned out to be much nicer than the genuine article.



Filipinos are a traditional biscuit snack in the Basque region of Spain. The Colonel's Regiment were fortunate enough to sample some during Mission 7 22px-Flag of Spain.svg.png Colonel.pngColonel.png7 Barcelona. On the final day, Dave and Mike got in some Filipinos for the bus journey back to the airport. They are actually just chocolate biscuit rings, but are pretty tasty.


In common with York, Florida is another Icelandic chocolate bar which shares its name with a place. It is fairly messy to eat, as it's covered in coconut which goes everywhere when you open the wrapper. It's a wafer based chocolate bar, but is a cut above the somewhat uninteresting Prins.



Mints which bear an uncanny resemblance to Extra Strong mints, sold in Holland in packets and tubes. They were first encountered on Mission 9 22px-Flag of the Netherlands.svg.png Colonel.png9 Amsterdam. However, they don't appear to be very strong. That said, don't be fooled by their diminutive size. They're actually very filling.

On Mission 24 22px-Flag of the Netherlands.svg.png Colonel.png24 Arnhem the Regiment uncovered a scam involving mints which looked just like King but were distinctly less strong. These were offered in a large bowl at Da PizZa.



Kismet is a large wafer biscuit available in Finland. It is fairly bland and uninteresting.

Kvikk Lunsj


A confectionery item available in the Oslo area, which is pronounced a bit like "quick lunch", but wouldn't really make a very good lunch because it is basically a Kit-Kat.


Leo-Go is a confectionary item provided as a complimentary snack by the Suitehotel in Hanover. It is, like most European chocolate bars, a wafer based snack. Leo-Go has the distinction of being the smallest chocolate bar ever consumed on a Colonel's break. It is microscopic.

Mozart's balls

A fantastic luxury chocolate item and speciality of Salzburg, which happens to be Mozart's birthplace. The Colonel's Regiment purchased a whole selection of Mozart's Balls from a little shop near the castle. Apparently this guy's balls were the cheapest in all of Salzburg. Steve, Rupert, David and Mike all helped themselves to some, before returning to the ice rink to join Dave. Here they settled themselves down and shared the Mozart's Balls around, drank glühwein and enjoyed watching Moules on ice.

Mr Tom


A prolific confectionery snack found in most vending machines in the Paris area and throughout France. The Colonel's regiment were fortunate to sample a Mr Tom during Mission 1 22px-Flag of France.svg.png Colonel.pngColonel.png1 Paris. They were disappointed to discover that the name of the snack bar was far better than the actual taste - it turned out to be an amalgamation of different nuts packed together in a snack bar and was somewhat similar to a picnic bar.

Mr Tom is now also available in Britain.


Nippon are a type of convectionary item sold in Switzerland. They looked tasty but turned out to be rather bizarre. Nippon are popcorn covered in chocolate.

On Line


On Line is a chocolate bar which can be purchased from a wide array of vending machines that frequent the Barcelona underground service. It is a bar in a blue wrapper with the words "On Line" branded across it. The Colonel's Regiment acquired an On Line on their last day in Barcelona and were pleased to discover that it was very similar to a Boost.



A popular chocolate bar of Swedish origin, discovered by the Colonel's Regiment in Stockholm. It is similar to a Caramel bar, except the inside is full of liquorice and not caramel. Hence it didn't go down too well with the Colonel's men. In fact, it turned out that fake Plopp, which they bought at the same time, was much more tasty.


Prins is a stereotypically bland wafer biscuit available in Iceland. The Colonel's Regiment tried some in Reykjavik and won't rush to try another.

Suffeli puffi

Suffeli Puffi

Discovered in a run down shopping mall in Espoo, this rather oddly named confection proved quite a hit with the regiment. It consists of huge balls of rice covered in chocolate.



Suklaa is a dark chocolate bar available in Finland. It is fairly bitter in taste.

Suku laku

suku laku

A disgusting stick of liquorice.



Tokke is a Spanish chocolate bar. The Colonel's Regiment tried one in Barcelona but were unimpressed. On line was much more popular.

Tony's Chocolonely

Tonys chocoloney.jpg

This is a newcomer to the Dutch chocolate scene first spotted on Mission 24 22px-Flag of the Netherlands.svg.png Colonel.png24 Arnhem.



Tupla is a Finnish chocolate bar. It is so lacking in anything memorable that no one in the Colonel's Regiment can remember anything about it.


As well as being the home town of two of the Colonel's men and a suggested destination for a future Colonel's break, York is a confectionary item available in Iceland. It is a circular chocolate item and is filled with peppermint cream. It tastes great.