The toasts: Difference between revisions

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* {{M28s}}: New Mentalist Prime Minister Theresa May (Mike)
* {{M28s}}: New Mentalist Prime Minister Theresa May (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: New UK representative to the International Arctic Science Committee, Steve (Dave)
* {{M29s}}: New UK representative to the International Arctic Science Committee, Steve (Dave)
* {{M30s}}: New councillor for Gospel Oak, Jenny (Rupert)
* {{M31s}}: New Brexit minister Dominic Raab (Dave)
* {{M32s}}: New MEP for South West England Ann Widdecombe (Mike)
* {{M33s}}: New MP for Newbury Laura Ferris (David)
* {{M34s}}: New Chair of SPI-M Graham Medley (Mike?)
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* {{M28s}}: Dead Ronnie Corbett (David)
* {{M28s}}: Dead Ronnie Corbett (David)
* {{M29s}}: Dead Yorkshireman Gorden Kaye (David)
* {{M29s}}: Dead Yorkshireman Gorden Kaye (David)
* {{M30s}}: Dead Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: Dead Burt Reynolds (Mike)
* {{M32s}}: Dead Peter Mayhew (Mike)
* {{M33s}}: Dead Bob Willis (Mike)
* {{M34s}}: Dead Eddie Large
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* {{M28s}}: Newly-Moustachioed Nigel Farrage (Steve)
* {{M28s}}: Newly-Moustachioed Nigel Farrage (Steve)
* {{M29s}}: Beardoed Romesh Ranganathan (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: Beardoed Romesh Ranganathan (Mike)
* {{M30s}}: Not-particularly-shavoed Rupert (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: Beardoed Dave (proposed by Mike)
* {{M32s}}: Mustachioed Kevin Webster (?)
* {{M33s}}: Long-haired Bryan May (David)
* {{M34s}}: Beardoed dead Charles Darwin (Mike)
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|-
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* {{M28s}}: Mentalist Donald Trump (Chris)
* {{M28s}}: Mentalist Donald Trump (Chris)
* {{M29s}}: Mentalist David Icke (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: Mentalist David Icke (Mike)
* {{M30s}}: Mentalist Canadian MP Nancy Ruth, who [http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/story.html?id=2646854 proposed to change the Canadian National Anthem to be gender neutral] (David)
* {{M31s}}: Mentalist Andrzej the Pirate (Mike)
* {{M32s}}: Mentalist Roy Lancaster, for leaving a one-star review of Anzio's Beach Head War Cemetery despite never having gone himself (Mike)
* {{M33s}}: Mentalist dead Derek Acorah (Mike) most haunted
* {{M34s}}: Mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike)
|-
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|To a Canadian
|To a Canadian
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* {{M28s}}: Canadian John Candy (David)
* {{M28s}}: Canadian John Candy (David)
* {{M29s}}: Canadian Justin Trudeau (David)
* {{M29s}}: Canadian Justin Trudeau (David)
* {{M30s}}: Canadian MP Nancy Ruth (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: Canadian Tom Smylie, Senior Veterinarian at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Mike)
* {{M32s}}: Canadian Tim Horton (Steve)
* {{M33s}}: (?)
* {{M34s}}: Canadian Rob Harbron (Dave)
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* {{M28s}}: Silver-Haired Damon Hill (Mike)
* {{M28s}}: Silver-Haired Damon Hill (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: Silver-haired David Jason (Mike)  
* {{M29s}}: Silver-haired David Jason (Mike)  
* {{M30s}}: Silver-haired Tony Moules (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: Silver haired Joe Johnson (not the snooker player) (Dave)
* {{M32s}}: Silver-haired Brian Tilsley (Steve)
* {{M33s}}: Silver-haired Dead David Bellamy (Dave)
* {{M34s}}: Silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike)
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* {{M28s}}: Alleged cheat Hillary Clinton (David)
* {{M28s}}: Alleged cheat Hillary Clinton (David)
* {{M29s}}: Alleged cheat Mike's Indonesian collaborator, who is being investigated for academic dishonesty (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: Alleged cheat Mike's Indonesian collaborator, who is being investigated for academic dishonesty (Mike)
* {{M30s}}: Alleged tennis cheat Dan Evans (David)
* {{M31s}}: Alleged cheat Sir Robin Wales (Dave)
* {{M32s}}: Cheats David Warner and Steve Smith (Mike)
* {{M33s}}: Alleged cheat Alastair Carter (Mike)
* {{M34s}}: Alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave)
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|-
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* {{M28s}}: Angel (Mike)
* {{M28s}}: Angel (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: Lord Bernard of Bourscheid (David)
* {{M29s}}: Lord Bernard of Bourscheid (David)
* {{M30s}}: Synthetic Elon Musk in 2042 (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: Military hero Johnson Beharry (Mike)
* {{M32s}}: Mentalist Chuka Umunna (proposed by Dave)
* {{M33s}}: Sean Pertwee (Mike, but David made it happen)
* {{M34s}}: (?)
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|-
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* {{M28s}}: (no toast)
* {{M28s}}: (no toast)
* {{M29s}}: Blondin (David)
* {{M29s}}: Blondin (David)
|
* {{M30s}}: Chris Rea (Mike) (Not to be confused with the more obscure, but equally seasonal, Chris Rhea Mike toasted in {{M25}})
| Retired by agreement after {{M30}}
|-
|-
|To a military hero
|To a military hero
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* {{M28s}}: Richard the Lionheart (David)
* {{M28s}}: Richard the Lionheart (David)
* {{M29s}}: Lt. Winters (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: Lt. Winters (Mike)
 
* {{M30s}}: Dave's Grandfather (David)
* {{M31s}}: General Wladyslaw Andres (David)
* {{M32s}}: Pvt. B. Roberts (? Mike or David?)
* {{M33s}}: CSM Hollis, V.C. (David)
* {{M34s}}: The Military Hero Edward IV (David)
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|-
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* {{M28s}}: {{(near) Brussels}} (Dave)
* {{M28s}}: {{(near) Brussels}} (Dave)
* {{M29s}}: {{Aalborg}}, since it's only worth visiting one week a year (Mike)
* {{M29s}}: {{Aalborg}}, since it's only worth visiting one week a year (Mike)
* {{M30s}}: {{Kilimanjaro}} (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: {{Grenada}} (Dave)
* {{M32s}}: {{Beirut}} (Mike)
* {{M33s}}: the {{Scottish Highlands}} (Mike) (this seemed idiotic in February 2020)
* {{M34s}}: {{Rouen}}
|-
|-
|To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break
|To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break
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* {{M28s}}: "That reminds me of the Monty Python sketch" (David)
* {{M28s}}: "That reminds me of the Monty Python sketch" (David)
* {{M29s}}: "Justin Trudeau has been around for ages" (Mike) (see above)
* {{M29s}}: "Justin Trudeau has been around for ages" (Mike) (see above)
 
* {{M30s}}: "I'm going to buy this cheese with prawns in it" (David) (may not have actually been said)
* {{M31s}}: "I'm going to reinstate Louis' round" (David, quoting Mike)
* {{M32s}}: "How about you just have two pizzas and some meat" (David)
* {{M33s}}: “Definitely called my bus” (David, quoting Rupert)
* {{M34s}}: "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike)
|-
|-
|To a noted user of public transport
|To a noted user of public transport
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* {{M28s}}: Her Majesty The Queen (David)
* {{M28s}}: Her Majesty The Queen (David)
* {{M29s}}: Rosa Parks (David)
* {{M29s}}: Rosa Parks (David)
* {{M30s}}: Robert from "Duty Free" from {{Valletta}} (Dave)
* {{M31s}}: Rupert, who crossed Sussex on route to this Colonel's break (Dave)
* {{M32s}}: Greta Thunberg (Dave)
* {{M33s}}: Carlos Ghosn (the CEO who escaped on bullet train) (Dave)
* {{M34s}}: Dominic Cummings (who thought he was using private transport, but someone spotted him) (Dave)
|-
|-
|Special lifetime achievement toast
|Special lifetime achievement toast
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* {{M28s}}: "Why you get off 96?" (Steve)
* {{M28s}}: "Why you get off 96?" (Steve)
* {{M29s}}: "If you scientists can't save the world, us artists are going to have to get up and do something" (David)  
* {{M29s}}: "If you scientists can't save the world, us artists are going to have to get up and do something" (David)  
* {{M30s}}: "We'll never be able to tramp 15 miles through deep snow in the time available" (David)
* {{M31s}}: "This selectoid cost £3. How much did the one in Bergen cost?" (David, quoting Mike)
* {{M32s}}: "Let me call my boss" (David)
* {{M33s}}: “You can use your magic heart” (?, quoting Mike, about a game of Bang!)
* {{M34s}}: "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve, quoting Winston)
|-
|-
| To someone who has recently left office
| To someone who has recently left office
|
|
* {{M29s}}: Douglas Carswell (Dave)
* {{M29s}}: Douglas Carswell (Dave)
* {{M30s}}: Tim Farron (Mike)
* {{M31s}}: Dominic Raab (Dave) (see above)
* {{M32s}}: Fiona Onasanya (David)
* {{M33s}}: Jo Swinson (?)
* {{M34s}}: 73 UK MEPs (David)
|
|
|-
|-
|{{M30}}
| To a nice German
|[[Image:Bergen_toasts_1.jpg]]
| Revurtjern hut, 
near Fløyen
| (no new toast)
|
* A fair point made on a break: "We'll never be able to tramp 15 miles through deep snow in the time available" (proposed by David)
* The dead Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin (Mike)
* The potential 8th Colonel's Man Synthetic Elon Musk in 2042 (Mike)
* The military hero Dave's Grandfather (David)
* The newly-appointed councillor for Gospel Oak, Jenny (Rupert)
* The Canadian MP Nancy Ruth, famous for [http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/story.html?id=2646854 proposing to change the Canadian National Anthem to be gender neutral] (Mike)
* The mentallist Canadian MP Nancy Ruth (David)
|
* A demented thing said on a break "I'm going to buy this cheese with prawns in it" (David) (may not have actually been said)
* The prolific user of Public Transport Robert from {{Valletta}} (Dave)
* The alleged cheat tennis player Dan Evans (David)
* The not-particularly-shavoed Rupert (Mike)
* The recently-left-office Tim Farron (Mike)
* The idiotic Former Destination {{Kilimanjaro}} (Mike)
* The seasonal chanteur Chris Rea (Mike)
* The silver-haired Tony Moules (Mike)
|-
|{{M31}}
|[[Image:Selectoid_Krakow.jpg]]
[[Image:Saltminetoasts.jpg]]
|
* The dining room of the Airbnb
* The basement bar C.K. Browar with various beers including a selectoid
* At the bottom of the Wieliczka Salt Mine
* On the toastamead of the Airbnb
| A nice German
|
* The bearded Dave (proposed by Mike)
* Dead Burt Reynolds (by Mike)
* The prolific user of public transport, who crossed Sussex on route to this Colonel's break, Rupert (Dave)
* A demented thing said on a Colonel's break (by Mike): "I'm going to reinstate Louis' round" (David)
* A fair point said on a Colonel's break (by Mike): "This selectoid cost £3. How much did the one in Bergen cost?" (David)
* The mentalist Andrej the Pirate (Mike)
* The idiotic former destination {{Grenada}} (Dave)
|
* The nice German Claus von Stauffenberg (David)
* The newly appointed Brexit minister Dominic Raab (Dave)
* The recently-left-office Dominic Raab (Dave)
* The potential 8th Colonel's Man (the military hero) Johnson Beharry (Mike)
* The alleged cheat Sir Robin Wales (Dave)
* The military hero General Wladyslaw Andres (David)
* The Canadian Tom Smylie, Senior Veterinarian at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Mike)
* The silver haired Joe Johnson (not the snooker player) (Dave)
|-
|{{M32}}
|[[Image:Rome_Toasts_Anzio.jpg]]
|
* The Airbnb's upstairs patio
* On a rock at the end of {{Anzio}}, until the tide came in
| (no new toast)
|
* The potential 8th Colonel's Man Chuka Umunna (proposed by Dave)
 
* The military hero Pvt. B. Roberts (by ? Mike or David?)
* The dead Peter Mayhew (Mike)
* The mustachioed Kevin Webster (?)
* The mentalist Roy Lancaster, one-star reviewer of Anzio's Beach Head War Cemetery despite never having gone himself (Mike)
* A fair point said on a Colonel's break: "Let me call my boss" (David)
* The Canadian Tim Horton (Steve)
|
|
* The silver-haired Brian Tilsley (Steve)
* {{M31s}}: Nice German Claus von Stauffenberg (David)
* A demented thing said on a Colonel's break: "How about you just have two pizzas and some meat" (David)
* {{M32s}}: Nice German Max Planck (David)
* The nice German Max Planck (David)
* {{M33s}}: Moderately nice German Rommel (David)
* The prolific user of public transport Greta Thunberg (Dave)
* {{M34s}}: Nice German Alexander Rothenberger, a former lab partner (Dave)
* The idiotic former destination {{Beirut}} (Mike)
* The cheats David Warner and Steve Smith (Mike)
* The newly-appointed MEP for South West England Anne Widdicombe (Mike)
* The recently-left-office Fiona Onasanya (David)
|-
|-
|{{M33}}
|[[Image:Bayeux_Toasts.jpg]]
|
* The Airbnb's dining table
* La Conquerant pub
* Bar Brasserie La Din’Nette
* Pointe du Hoc
* The American Cemetery
* Arromanches
| A Geordie
| A Geordie
|
|
* The dead Bob Willis (Mike)
* {{M33s}}: Geordie Bill Dunn, commander of the Juno Beach Churchill AVRE 1 Charlie tank (Dave)
* A prolific user of public transport Carlos Ghosn (the CEO who escaped on bullet train) (Dave)
* {{M34s}}: The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave)
* The recently-left-office Jo Swinson (?)
* The long-haired Bryan May (David)
* The silver-haired (and dead) David Bellamy (Dave)
* The alleged cheat Alastair Carter (Mike)
* A demented thing someone has said on a break “Definitely called my bus” (David)
* A moderately nice German Rommel (David)
|
* An idiotic former destination the {{Scottish Highlands}} (Mike)
* The military hero CSM Hollis VC (David)
* The mentalist dead Derek Acorah (Mike) most haunted
* The potential 8th Colonel's Man Sean Pertwee (Mike, but David made it happen)
* The Geordie Bill Dunn, commander of the Juno Beach Churchill AVRE 1 Charlie tank (Dave)
* A fair point made “you can use your magic heart” (Mike, about a game of Bang!)
* The newly attained office Laura Ferris, MP of Newbury (David)
|-
|-
|{{M34}}
|[[Image:Skipton_Toasts_Ingleborough.jpg]]
[[Image:Skipton_Toasts_Castle_Woods.jpg]]
|
* The Boathouse
* The summit of Ingleborough
* Skipton Castle, overlooking the waterfall
| For a good choice
| For a good choice
(a temporary new toast)
|
* The dead Eddie Large
* A prolific user of private transport Dominic Cummings
* The recently-gained-office Graham Medley, Chair of SPI-M
* The Canadian ? (Dave)
* An idiotic former destination {{Rouen}}
* The potential 8th Colonel's man Luna (David)
* The bearded dead Charles Darwin (Mike)
* A fair point made "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve)
* A demented thing said "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike)
|
|
* The Military Hero Edward IV (David)
* {{M34s}}: For a good choice, Tom (Dave)
* The silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike)
* The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave)
* A nice German Alexander Rothenburg, a former lab partner (Dave)
* The recently-left-office 73 UK MEPs (David)
* The mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike)
* The alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave)
* For a good choice, Tom (Dave)
|}
|}

Revision as of 17:16, 13 July 2021

A new regular feature of Colonel's missions, the toasts originated on Mission 15 15 Geneva. After a strenuous hike up La dole, the men surveyed the spread out landscape beneath, and were moved to mark the occasion with a toast. The chosen toastee was Mayor Boris, who had recently attained office; the vehicle of the toast, a can of Feldschloesschen lager.

Since then, at lunchtime on the excursion day, the men toast various luminaries of different types. Oddly, the toasts are not associated with any particular mascot, nor are they an application.

Mission Location and vehicle of toast New toast
Mission 15 15 Geneva La Dôle with Feldschloesschen lager To someone who has recently attained office
Mission 16 16 Athens Lykavittos Hill To someone who has recently died
Mission 17 17 36 Porto Croft's distillery, Porto, with Croft's port To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed
Mission 18 18 Berlin Christmas market, Alexanderplatz To a mentalist
Mission 19 19 Valletta Ramla Bay, Gozo, with Cisk lager and Kinnie To a Canadian
Mission 20 20 Bruges De Garre, with their Belgian home brew To someone with silver hair
Mission 21 21 Budapest János-hegy hill, with various Hungarian beers To an alleged cheat
Mission 22 22 Lisbon Beside the river in Belém, with Sagres and Super Bock beer To a potential eighth Colonel's man
Mission 23 23 Copenhagen In a Christmas shack in the courtyard of Kronborg Slot, with mustard Dan Cake and various Danish beers To a seasonal chanteur
Mission 24 24 Arnhem On a graffittied wall overlooking the Rhine, with Hertog Jan and another beer To a military hero
Mission 25 25 Ghent On the Lion Mound at Waterloo with a selection of Belgian beers To an idiotic former draw destination
Mission 26 21 26 Garmisch-Partenkirchen

Up the Zugspitze with boiling Hacker-Pschorr beer and on The Wank with the remains of the Hacker-Pschorr To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break
Mission 27 27 Sofia At the summit of Vitosha with miscellaneous cans of cheap-but-good local beer To a noted user of public transport
Mission 28 28 Vienna

  • On a bench in the vineyards of Unterloiben
  • On the wall beneath Richard the Lionheart's castle
  • At the bottom of the hill beneath the castle, amongst historical figures
  • A special lifetime achievement toast
  • To a fair point made on a Colonel's break
Mission 29 29 Luxembourg (City)
  • In the car park of Match, Niederanven
  • At the top of Bourscheid Castle's central tower
  • El Compañero, a tapas bar in Luxembourg City
To someone who has recently left office
Mission 30 30 Bergen Revurtjern hut,

near Fløyen

(no new toast)
Mission 31 31 Kraków

  • The dining room of the Airbnb
  • The basement bar C.K. Browar with various beers including a selectoid
  • At the bottom of the Wieliczka Salt Mine
  • On the toastamead of the Airbnb
To a nice German
Mission 32 32 Rome
  • The Airbnb's upstairs patio
  • On a rock at the end of Anzio, until the tide came in
(no new toast)
Mission 33 33 Bayeux
  • The Airbnb's dining table
  • La Conquerant pub
  • Bar Brasserie La Din’Nette
  • Pointe du Hoc
  • The American Cemetery
  • Arromanches
To a Geordie
Mission 34 34 Skipton

  • The Boathouse
  • The summit of Ingleborough
  • Skipton Castle, overlooking the waterfall
For a good choice


Toastees

Toast Toastees Notes
To someone who has recently attained office
  • 15: New Mayor of London, Mayor Boris Johnson
  • 16: New President of the USA, Barack Obama
  • 17: New President of the RSPB, Kate Humble
  • 18: New head of department at Leeds University
  • 19: New presenters of Countryfile Julia Bradbury and Matt the Farmer
  • 20: New Lecturer Mike
  • 21: New Doctor Christophe Moules
  • 22: Woy Hodgson, England manager
  • 23: New Canadian Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney
  • 24: New Prime Minister of Australia Tony Abbott (proposed by David)
  • 25: New director of McLaren Ron Dennis (Mike)
  • 26: New Head of DHS research funding and replacement for Leland, Michelle Colby (Mike)
  • 27: New Shadow International Development Secretary Diane Abbott (David)
  • 28: New Mentalist Prime Minister Theresa May (Mike)
  • 29: New UK representative to the International Arctic Science Committee, Steve (Dave)
  • 30: New councillor for Gospel Oak, Jenny (Rupert)
  • 31: New Brexit minister Dominic Raab (Dave)
  • 32: New MEP for South West England Ann Widdecombe (Mike)
  • 33: New MP for Newbury Laura Ferris (David)
  • 34: New Chair of SPI-M Graham Medley (Mike?)
To someone who has recently died
  • 16: Dead Paul Newman
  • 17: Dead Farrah Fawcett
  • 18: Dead Stephen Gately
  • 19: Dead Gerard Kelly (Bunny from Extras)
  • 20: Dead Leslie Nielsen
  • 21: Dead Bubba Smith
  • 22: Dead Frank Carson
  • 23: Dead Clive Dunn
  • 24: Dead Seamus Heaney (Dave)
  • 25: Dead Roger Lloyd Pack (David)
  • 26: Dead Garibaldi (David)
  • 27: Dead Cilla Black (Mike)
  • 28: Dead Ronnie Corbett (David)
  • 29: Dead Yorkshireman Gorden Kaye (David)
  • 30: Dead Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin (Mike)
  • 31: Dead Burt Reynolds (Mike)
  • 32: Dead Peter Mayhew (Mike)
  • 33: Dead Bob Willis (Mike)
  • 34: Dead Eddie Large
To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed
  • 17: Beardo Pelham Barton (and recruit)
  • 18: Moustachioed Des Lynam
  • 19: Shavoed Vernon Kay
  • 20: Shavoed Leslie Nielsen
  • 21: Mutton Chopsoed Chester Arthur
  • 22: ?
  • 23: Beardo Christoffer from the Bishop's Arms, Malmö
  • 24: Moustachioed Allan Border (Steve)
  • 25: Beardo Hideous Orangutan - from Fawlty Towers (Steve)
  • 26: Shavoed Jon Lee from S Club 7 (Mike)
  • 27: Moustachioed Samarjit Patnaik (Steve)
  • 28: Newly-Moustachioed Nigel Farrage (Steve)
  • 29: Beardoed Romesh Ranganathan (Mike)
  • 30: Not-particularly-shavoed Rupert (Mike)
  • 31: Beardoed Dave (proposed by Mike)
  • 32: Mustachioed Kevin Webster (?)
  • 33: Long-haired Bryan May (David)
  • 34: Beardoed dead Charles Darwin (Mike)
To a mentalist
  • 18: Mentalist in Casa Mexicana
  • 19: Mentalist Robert from Duty Free
  • 20: Mentalist Leslie Nielsen
  • 21: The mentalist in Comics whom we failed to get a destination from
  • 22: Mentalist Brian Paddick
  • 23: Mentalist restauranteur (and alleged purchaser of the world's entire supply of Donkey Cheese) Novak Djoković
  • 24: Mentalist Boris Johnson (Dave)
  • 25: Mentalist David Blaine (Mike)
  • 26: Mentalist Putin (David)
  • 27: Mentalist Jeremy Corbyn (David)
  • 28: Mentalist Donald Trump (Chris)
  • 29: Mentalist David Icke (Mike)
  • 30: Mentalist Canadian MP Nancy Ruth, who proposed to change the Canadian National Anthem to be gender neutral (David)
  • 31: Mentalist Andrzej the Pirate (Mike)
  • 32: Mentalist Roy Lancaster, for leaving a one-star review of Anzio's Beach Head War Cemetery despite never having gone himself (Mike)
  • 33: Mentalist dead Derek Acorah (Mike) most haunted
  • 34: Mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike)
To a Canadian
  • 19: Canadian Greg Rusedski
  • 20: Canadian Leslie Nielsen
  • 21: Canadian William Shatner
  • 22: Canadian Alain Robidoux
  • 23: Canadian Mike Nolan
  • 24: Canadian Michael J Fox (David)
  • 25: Canadian Dan Aykroyd (Mike)
  • 26: Canadian Bill Werburniuk (Mike)
  • 27: Canadian Rachel McAdams (Mike)
  • 28: Canadian John Candy (David)
  • 29: Canadian Justin Trudeau (David)
  • 30: Canadian MP Nancy Ruth (Mike)
  • 31: Canadian Tom Smylie, Senior Veterinarian at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Mike)
  • 32: Canadian Tim Horton (Steve)
  • 33: (?)
  • 34: Canadian Rob Harbron (Dave)
To someone with silver hair
  • 20: Silver Haired Leslie Nielsen
  • 21: Silver Haired Phillip Schofield
  • 22: Platinum Blonde Mayor Boris Johnson
  • 23: Silver Haired Jonathan Edwards
  • 24: Silver-haired tractor driver Gary Lineker (Dave)
  • 25: Silver-haired racing driver Kimi Raikkonen (Dave/Steve)
  • 26: Silver-haired Harry Gration (Steve)
  • 27: Silver-haired Geoffrey from Rainbow (Steve)
  • 28: Silver-Haired Damon Hill (Mike)
  • 29: Silver-haired David Jason (Mike)
  • 30: Silver-haired Tony Moules (Mike)
  • 31: Silver haired Joe Johnson (not the snooker player) (Dave)
  • 32: Silver-haired Brian Tilsley (Steve)
  • 33: Silver-haired Dead David Bellamy (Dave)
  • 34: Silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike)
To an alleged cheat
  • 21: Alleged cheat S X Ma
  • 22: Alleged ([since reformed]) cheat Dwain Chambers
  • 23: Cheat Tecwen Whittock
  • 24: Alleged cheat Stephen Lee (David)
  • 25: Alleged cheat François Hollande (Steve)
  • 26: Alleged cheats Blatter & FIFA (Mike)
  • 27: Alleged cheats The New England Patriots (Mike)
  • 28: Alleged cheat Hillary Clinton (David)
  • 29: Alleged cheat Mike's Indonesian collaborator, who is being investigated for academic dishonesty (Mike)
  • 30: Alleged tennis cheat Dan Evans (David)
  • 31: Alleged cheat Sir Robin Wales (Dave)
  • 32: Cheats David Warner and Steve Smith (Mike)
  • 33: Alleged cheat Alastair Carter (Mike)
  • 34: Alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave)
To a potential eighth Colonel's man
  • 22: Jon Voight
  • 23: Dead Don Ameche
  • 24: Devon Malcolm (David)
  • 25: Keith (David)
  • 26: [That Dog] (David)
  • 27: Fabrizio Figer / Finger (Dave)
  • 28: Angel (Mike)
  • 29: Lord Bernard of Bourscheid (David)
  • 30: Synthetic Elon Musk in 2042 (Mike)
  • 31: Military hero Johnson Beharry (Mike)
  • 32: Mentalist Chuka Umunna (proposed by Dave)
  • 33: Sean Pertwee (Mike, but David made it happen)
  • 34: (?)
To a seasonal chanteur
  • 23: Mentalist Christmas pop smash artist Mr. Blobby
  • 24: Terry Wogan, for his timeless "Floral Dance" (Steve)
  • 25: Chris Rhea (Mike)
  • 26: Mel Smith, for 'Rocking Around The Christmas Tree' (Steve)
  • 27: East 17, for 'Stay Another Day' (Steve)
  • 28: (no toast)
  • 29: Blondin (David)
  • 30: Chris Rea (Mike) (Not to be confused with the more obscure, but equally seasonal, Chris Rhea Mike toasted in Mission 25 25 Ghent)
Retired by agreement after Mission 30 30 Bergen
To a military hero
  • 24: Lt Col John Frost (David)
  • 25: Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington (David)
  • 26: The Red Baron (David)
  • 27: Lt. Colonel Wilfrith Elstob, V.C. (Mike)
  • 28: Richard the Lionheart (David)
  • 29: Lt. Winters (Mike)
  • 30: Dave's Grandfather (David)
  • 31: General Wladyslaw Andres (David)
  • 32: Pvt. B. Roberts (? Mike or David?)
  • 33: CSM Hollis, V.C. (David)
  • 34: The Military Hero Edward IV (David)
To an idiotic former draw destination
To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break
  • 26: "Dave and I will see you later!" (David / Mike)
  • 27: "You, fuck you, you are a piece of fucking shit" (Mike)
  • 28: "That reminds me of the Monty Python sketch" (David)
  • 29: "Justin Trudeau has been around for ages" (Mike) (see above)
  • 30: "I'm going to buy this cheese with prawns in it" (David) (may not have actually been said)
  • 31: "I'm going to reinstate Louis' round" (David, quoting Mike)
  • 32: "How about you just have two pizzas and some meat" (David)
  • 33: “Definitely called my bus” (David, quoting Rupert)
  • 34: "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike)
To a noted user of public transport
  • 27: Angel, for helping us navigate the buses to the base of the mountain (Dave)
  • 28: Her Majesty The Queen (David)
  • 29: Rosa Parks (David)
  • 30: Robert from "Duty Free" from 19 Valletta (Dave)
  • 31: Rupert, who crossed Sussex on route to this Colonel's break (Dave)
  • 32: Greta Thunberg (Dave)
  • 33: Carlos Ghosn (the CEO who escaped on bullet train) (Dave)
  • 34: Dominic Cummings (who thought he was using private transport, but someone spotted him) (Dave)
Special lifetime achievement toast
  • 28: The Lifetime Achievements of Terry Wogan (Mike)
To a fair point made on a Colonel's break
  • 28: "Why you get off 96?" (Steve)
  • 29: "If you scientists can't save the world, us artists are going to have to get up and do something" (David)
  • 30: "We'll never be able to tramp 15 miles through deep snow in the time available" (David)
  • 31: "This selectoid cost £3. How much did the one in Bergen cost?" (David, quoting Mike)
  • 32: "Let me call my boss" (David)
  • 33: “You can use your magic heart” (?, quoting Mike, about a game of Bang!)
  • 34: "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve, quoting Winston)
To someone who has recently left office
  • 29: Douglas Carswell (Dave)
  • 30: Tim Farron (Mike)
  • 31: Dominic Raab (Dave) (see above)
  • 32: Fiona Onasanya (David)
  • 33: Jo Swinson (?)
  • 34: 73 UK MEPs (David)
To a nice German
  • 31: Nice German Claus von Stauffenberg (David)
  • 32: Nice German Max Planck (David)
  • 33: Moderately nice German Rommel (David)
  • 34: Nice German Alexander Rothenberger, a former lab partner (Dave)
A Geordie
  • 33: Geordie Bill Dunn, commander of the Juno Beach Churchill AVRE 1 Charlie tank (Dave)
  • 34: The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave)
For a good choice
  • 34: For a good choice, Tom (Dave)