The toasts

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A new regular feature of Colonel's missions, the toasts originated on Mission 15 15 Geneva. After a strenuous hike up La dole, the men surveyed the spread out landscape beneath, and were moved to mark the occasion with a toast. The chosen toastee was Mayor Boris, who had recently attained office; the vehicle of the toast, a can of Feldschloesschen lager.

Since then, at lunchtime on the excursion day, the men toast various luminaries of different types. Oddly, the toasts are not associated with any particular mascot, nor are they an application.

Mission Location and vehicle of toast New toast Toastees
Mission 15 15 Geneva La Dôle with Feldschloesschen lager To someone who has recently attained office
Mission 16 16 Athens Lykavittos Hill To someone who has recently died
  • New President of the USA, Barack Obama
  • Dead Paul Newman
Mission 17 17 36 Porto Croft's distillery, Porto, with Croft's port To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed
  • New President of the RSPB, Kate Humble
  • Dead Farrah Fawcett
  • Beardo Pelham Barton (and recruit)
Mission 18 18 Berlin Christmas market, Alexanderplatz To a mentalist
  • New head of department at Leeds University
  • Dead Stephen Gately
  • Moustachioed Des Lynam
  • Mentalist in Casa Mexicana
Mission 19 19 Valletta Ramla Bay, Gozo, with Cisk lager and Kinnie To a Canadian
  • Julia Bradbury and Matt the Farmer (new presenters of Countryfile)
  • Dead Gerard Kelly (Bunny from Extras)
  • Shavoed Vernon Kay
  • Mentalist Robert from Duty Free
  • The Canadian Greg Rusedski
Mission 20 20 Bruges De Garre, with their Belgian home brew To a man with grey hair
  • Mike (new lecturer)
  • Dead Leslie Nielsen
  • Shavoed Leslie Nielsen
  • Mentalist Leslie Nielsen
  • The Canadian Leslie Nielsen
  • The Silver Haired Leslie Nielsen
Mission 21 21 Budapest János-hegy hill, with various Hungarian beers To an alleged cheat
  • Christophe Moules (new doctor)
  • Dead Bubba Smith
  • Mutton Chopsoed Chester Arthur
  • The mentalist in Comics whom we failed to get a destination from
  • The Canadian William Shatner
  • The Silver Haired Phillip Schofield
  • The alleged cheat S X Ma
Mission 22 22 Lisbon Beside the river in Belém, with Sagres and Super Bock beer To a potential eighth Colonel's man
  • Woy Hodgson, England manager
  • Dead Frank Carson
  • Beardo
  • The mentalist Brian Paddick
  • The Canadian Alain Robidoux
  • The Platinum Blonde Mayor Boris Johnson
  • The alleged cheat Dwain Chambers
  • The potential eighth Colonel's man Jon Voight
Mission 23 23 Copenhagen In a Christmas shack in the courtyard of Kronborg Slot, with mustard Dan Cake and various Danish beers To a seasonal chanteur
  • Mark Carney, new (Canadian) Governor of the Bank of England
  • Dead Clive Dunn
  • Beardo Christoffer from the Bishop's Arms, Malmö
  • The mentalist restauranteur (and alleged purchaser of the world's entire supply of Donkey Cheese) Novak Djoković
  • The Canadian Mike Nolan
  • Silver-haired Jonathan Edwards
  • The cheat Tecwen Whittock
  • The potential eighth Colonel's man (dead) Don Ameche
  • Christmas pop smash artist (mentalist) Mr. Blobby
Mission 24 24 Arnhem On a graffittied wall overlooking the Rhine, with Hertog Jan and another beer To a military hero
  • Tony Abbot, the new Prime Minister of Australia (proposed by David)
  • Dead Seamus Heaney (by Dave)
  • Moustachio Allan Border (Steve)
  • Mentalist Boris Johnson (Dave)
  • The Canadian Michael J Fox (David)
  • The Silver-haired tractor driver Gary Lineker (Dave)
  • The alleged cheat Stephen Lee (David)
  • The potential eighth colonel's man Devon Malcolm (David)
  • Terry Wogan, seasonal singer, for his timeless "Floral Dance" (Steve)
  • The military hero Lt Col John Frost (David)
Mission 25 25 Ghent On the Lion Mound at Waterloo with a selection of Belgian beers To an idiotic former draw destination
  • Ron Dennis, new director of McLaren (proposed by Mike)
  • Dead Roger Lloyd Pack (by David)
  • Beardo Hideous Orangutan - from Fawlty Towers (Steve)
  • Mentalist David Blaine (Mike)
  • The Canadian Dan Aykroyd (Mike)
  • The Silver-haired racing driver Kimi Raikkonen (Dave/Steve)
  • The alleged cheat Francois Hollande (Steve)
  • The potential eighth colonel's man Keith (David)
  • Chris Rhea, seasonal singer (Mike)
  • The military hero Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington (David)
  • The idiotic former destination Skern Lodge (Mike)
Mission 26 21 26 Garmisch-Partenkirchen

Up the Zugspitze with boiling Hacker-Pschorr beer and on The Wank with the remains of the Hacker-Pschorr To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break

Zugspitze:

  • The Dead Garibaldi (proposed by David)
  • The potential eighth Colonel's Man, [That Dog] (by David)
  • The Military Hero, The Red Baron (David)
  • The Silver-haired Harry Gration (Steve)
  • The Shavoed Jon Lee from S Club 7 (Mike)
  • The idiotic former destination 23 Steamboat Springs, as a winter destination (Mike)

On the way to Gamschütte:

  • The Mentalist Putin (David)
  • The Seasonal Singer Mel Smith (Steve, for 'Rocking Around The Christmas Tree')
  • The Alleged Cheats Blatter & FIFA (Mike)
  • The Canadian Bill Werburniuk (Mike)
  • The newly-appointed Head of DHS research funding and replacement for Leland, Michelle Colby (Mike)
  • A demented thing said on a break: "Dave and I will see you later!" (David / Mike)
Mission 27 27 Sofia At the summit of Vitosha with miscellaneous cans of cheap-but-good local beer To a user, or prolific user, of public transport
  • The Moustachioed Samarjit Patnaik (proposed by Steve)
  • The Alleged Cheats The New England Patriots (by Mike)
  • The Mentalist Jeremy Corbyn (David)
  • The Military Hero, Lt. Colonel Wilfrith Elstob, V.C. (Mike)
  • The newly-appointed Shadow International Development Secretary Diane Abbott (David)
  • A demented thing said on a break: "You, fuck you, you are a piece of fucking shit" (Mike)
  • The Dead Cilla Black (Mike)
  • The Silver-haired Geoffrey from Rainbow (Steve)
  • The public transport user, Angel (Dave, for helping us navigate the buses to the base of the mountain)
  • The Canadian Rachel McAdams (Mike)
  • The potential eighth Colonel's Man, Fabrizio Figer / Finger (Dave)
  • The idiotic former destination Perpignan (Mike)
  • The Seasonal Chanteurs East 17 (Steve, for 'Stay Another Day')
Mission 28 28 Vienna

  • On a bench in the vineyards of Unterloiben
  • On the wall beneath Richard the Lionheart's castle
  • At the bottom of the hill beneath the castle, amongst historical figures
  • A special lifetime achievement toast
  • To a fair point made on a Colonel's break
  • The Lifetime Achievements of Terry Wogan (proposed by Mike)
  • The newly-Moustachioed Nigel Farrage (by Steve)
  • The Dead Ronnie Corbett (David)
  • The Canadian John Candy (David)
  • The Silver-Haired Damon Hill (Mike)
  • The Military Hero Richard the Lionheart (David)
  • The prolific user of Public Transport Her Majesty The Queen (David)
  • The idiotic Former Destination (near) Brussels (Dave)
  • The newly-appointed Prime Minister Theresa May (Mike)
  • The Mentalist Donald Trump (Chris)
  • The alleged cheat Hillary Clinton (David)
  • A demented thing said on a break: "That reminds me of the Monty Python sketch" (David)
  • A fair point made on a break: "Why you get off 96?" (Steve)
  • The potential 8th Colonel's Man Angel (Mike)
Mission 29 29 Luxembourg (City)
  • In the car park of Match, Niederanven
  • At the top of Bourscheid Castle's central tower
  • El Compañero, a tapas bar in Luxembourg City
 To someone who has recently left office
  • The alleged cheat Mike's Indonesian collaborator, who is being investigated for academic dishonesty (proposed by Mike)
  • The newly-appointed UK representative to the International Arctic Science Committee, Steve (by Dave)
  • The bearded Romesh Ranganathan (Mike)
  • The dead Gordon Kaye (David)
  • The Canadian Justin Trudeau (David)
  • A demented thing said on a break "Justin Trudeau has been around for ages" (Mike)
  • The potential 8th Colonel's Man Lord Bernard of Bourscheid (David)
  • The seasonal chanteur Blondin (David)
  • The military hero Lt. Winters (Mike)
  • The silver-haired David Jason (Mike)
  • The recently-left-office Douglas Carswell (Dave)
  • The prolific user of Public Transport Rosa Parks (David)
  • The mentallist David Icke (Mike)
  • A fair point made on a break: "If you scientists can't save the world, us artists are going to have to get up and do something" (David)
  • The idiotic Former Destination Aalborg, since it can only be visited one week a year (Mike)
Mission 30 30 Bergen Revurtjern hut,

near Fløyen

(no new toast)
  • A fair point made on a break: "We'll never be able to tramp 15 miles through deep snow in the time available" (proposed by David)
  • The dead Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin (Mike)
  • The potential 8th Colonel's Man Synthetic Elon Musk in 2042 (Mike)
  • The military hero Dave's Grandfather (David)
  • The newly-appointed councillor for Gospel Oak, Jenny (Rupert)
  • The Canadian MP Nancy Ruth, famous for proposing to change the Canadian National Anthem to be gender neutral (Mike)
  • The mentallist Canadian MP Nancy Ruth (David)
  • A demented thing said on a break "I'm going to buy this cheese with prawns in it" (David) (may not have actually been said)
  • The prolific user of Public Transport Robert from 19 Valletta (Dave)
  • The alleged cheat tennis player Dan Evans (David)
  • The not-particularly-shavoed Rupert (Mike)
  • The recently-left-office Tim Farron (Mike)
  • The idiotic Former Destination Kilimanjaro (Mike)
  • The seasonal chanteur Chris Rea (Mike)
  • The silver-haired Tony Moules (Mike)
Mission 31 31 Kraków

  • The dining room of the Airbnb
  • The basement bar C.K. Browar with various beers including a selectoid
  • At the bottom of the Wieliczka Salt Mine
  • On the toastamead of the Airbnb
 A nice German
  • The bearded Dave (proposed by Mike)
  • Dead Burt Reynolds (by Mike)
  • The prolific user of public transport, who crossed Sussex on route to this Colonel's break, Rupert (Dave)
  • A demented thing said on a Colonel's break (by Mike): "I'm going to reinstate Louis' round" (David)
  • A fair point said on a Colonel's break (by Mike): "This selectoid cost £3. How much did the one in Bergen cost?" (David)
  • The mentalist Andrej the Pirate (Mike)
  • The idiotic former destination Grenada (Dave)
  • The nice German Claus von Stauffenberg (David)
  • The newly appointed Brexit minister Dominic Raab (Dave)
  • The recently-left-office Dominic Raab (Dave)
  • The potential 8th Colonel's Man (the military hero) Johnson Beharry (Mike)
  • The alleged cheat Sir Robin Wales (Dave)
  • The military hero General Wladyslaw Andres (David)
  • The Canadian Tom Smylie, Senior Veterinarian at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Mike)
  • The silver haired Joe Johnson (not the snooker player) (Dave)
Mission 32 32 Rome
  • The Airbnb's upstairs patio
  • On a rock at the end of Anzio, until the tide came in
 (no new toast)
  • The potential 8th Colonel's Man Chuka Umunna (proposed by Dave)
  • The military hero Pvt. B. Roberts (by ? Mike or David?)
  • The dead Peter Mayhew (Mike)
  • The mustachioed Kevin Webster (?)
  • The mentalist Roy Lancaster, one-star reviewer of Anzio's Beach Head War Cemetery despite never having gone himself (Mike)
  • A fair point said on a Colonel's break: "Let me call my boss" (David)
  • The Canadian Tim Horton (Steve)
  • The silver-haired Brian Tilsley (Steve)
  • A demented thing said on a Colonel's break: "How about you just have two pizzas and some meat" (David)
  • The nice German Max Planck (David)
  • The prolific user of public transport Greta Thunberg (Dave)
  • The idiotic former destination Beirut (Mike)
  • The cheats David Warner and Steve Smith (Mike)
  • The newly-appointed MEP for South West England Anne Widdicombe (Mike)
  • The recently-left-office Fiona Onasanya (David)
Mission 33 33 Bayeux
  • The Airbnb's dining table
  • La Conquerant pub
  • Bar Brasserie La Din’Nette
  • Pointe du Hoc
  • The American Cemetery
  • Arromanches
 A Geordie
  • The dead Bob Willis (Mike)
  • A prolific user of public transport Carlos Ghosn (the CEO who escaped on bullet train) (Dave)
  • The recently-left-office Jo Swinson (?)
  • The long-haired Bryan May (David)
  • The silver-haired (and dead) David Bellamy (Dave)
  • The alleged cheat Alastair Carter (Mike)
  • A demented thing someone has said on a break “Definitely called my bus” (David)
  • A moderately nice German Rommel (David)
  • An idiotic former destination the Scottish Highlands (Mike)
  • The military hero CSM Hollis VC (David)
  • The mentalist dead Derek Acorah (Mike) most haunted
  • The potential 8th Colonel's Man Sean Pertwee (Mike, but David made it happen)
  • The Geordie Bill Dunn, commander of the Juno Beach Churchill AVRE 1 Charlie tank (Dave)
  • A fair point made “you can use your magic heart” (Mike, about a game of Bang!)
  • The newly attained office Laura Ferris, MP of Newbury (David)
Mission 34 34 Skipton

  • The Boathouse
  • The summit of Ingleborough
  • Skipton Castle, overlooking the waterfall
 For a good choice

(a temporary new toast)

  • The dead Eddie Large
  • A prolific user of private transport Dominic Cummings
  • The recently-gained-office Graham Medley, Chair of SPI-M
  • The Canadian ? (Dave)
  • An idiotic former destination Rouen
  • The potential 8th Colonel's man Luna (David)
  • The bearded dead Charles Darwin (Mike)
  • A fair point made "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve)
  • A demented thing said "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike)
  • The Military Hero Edward IV (David)
  • The silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike)
  • The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave)
  • A nice German Alexander Rothenburg, a former lab partner (Dave)
  • The recently-left-office 73 UK MEPs (David)
  • The mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike)
  • The alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave)
  • For a good choice, Tom (Dave)
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