Toast
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Toastees
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Notes
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To someone who has recently attained office
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- 15: New Mayor of London, Mayor Boris Johnson
- 16: New President of the USA, Barack Obama
- 17: New President of the RSPB, Kate Humble
- 18: New head of department at Leeds University
- 19: New presenters of Countryfile Julia Bradbury and Matt the Farmer
- 20: New Lecturer Mike
- 21: New Doctor Christophe Moules
- 22: Woy Hodgson, England manager
- 23: New Canadian Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney
- 24: New Prime Minister of Australia Tony Abbott (proposed by David)
- 25: New director of McLaren Ron Dennis (Mike)
- 26: New Head of DHS research funding and replacement for Leland, Michelle Colby (Mike)
- 27: New Shadow International Development Secretary Diane Abbott (David)
- 28: New Mentalist Prime Minister Theresa May (Mike)
- 29: New UK representative to the International Arctic Science Committee, Steve (Dave)
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To someone who has recently died
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- 16: Dead Paul Newman
- 17: Dead Farrah Fawcett
- 18: Dead Stephen Gately
- 19: Dead Gerard Kelly (Bunny from Extras)
- 20: Dead Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Dead Bubba Smith
- 22: Dead Frank Carson
- 23: Dead Clive Dunn
- 24: Dead Seamus Heaney (Dave)
- 25: Dead Roger Lloyd Pack (David)
- 26: Dead Garibaldi (David)
- 27: Dead Cilla Black (Mike)
- 28: Dead Ronnie Corbett (David)
- 29: Dead Yorkshireman Gorden Kaye (David)
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To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed
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- 17: Beardo Pelham Barton (and recruit)
- 18: Moustachioed Des Lynam
- 19: Shavoed Vernon Kay
- 20: Shavoed Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Mutton Chopsoed Chester Arthur
- 22: ?
- 23: Beardo Christoffer from the Bishop's Arms, Malmö
- 24: Moustachioed Allan Border (Steve)
- 25: Beardo Hideous Orangutan - from Fawlty Towers (Steve)
- 26: Shavoed Jon Lee from S Club 7 (Mike)
- 27: Moustachioed Samarjit Patnaik (Steve)
- 28: Newly-Moustachioed Nigel Farrage (Steve)
- 29: Beardoed Romesh Ranganathan (Mike)
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To a mentalist
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- 18: Mentalist in Casa Mexicana
- 19: Mentalist Robert from Duty Free
- 20: Mentalist Leslie Nielsen
- 21: The mentalist in Comics whom we failed to get a destination from
- 22: Mentalist Brian Paddick
- 23: Mentalist restauranteur (and alleged purchaser of the world's entire supply of Donkey Cheese) Novak Djoković
- 24: Mentalist Boris Johnson (Dave)
- 25: Mentalist David Blaine (Mike)
- 26: Mentalist Putin (David)
- 27: Mentalist Jeremy Corbyn (David)
- 28: Mentalist Donald Trump (Chris)
- 29: Mentalist David Icke (Mike)
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To a Canadian
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- 19: Canadian Greg Rusedski
- 20: Canadian Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Canadian William Shatner
- 22: Canadian Alain Robidoux
- 23: Canadian Mike Nolan
- 24: Canadian Michael J Fox (David)
- 25: Canadian Dan Aykroyd (Mike)
- 26: Canadian Bill Werburniuk (Mike)
- 27: Canadian Rachel McAdams (Mike)
- 28: Canadian John Candy (David)
- 29: Canadian Justin Trudeau (David)
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To someone with silver hair
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- 20: Silver Haired Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Silver Haired Phillip Schofield
- 22: Platinum Blonde Mayor Boris Johnson
- 23: Silver Haired Jonathan Edwards
- 24: Silver-haired tractor driver Gary Lineker (Dave)
- 25: Silver-haired racing driver Kimi Raikkonen (Dave/Steve)
- 26: Silver-haired Harry Gration (Steve)
- 27: Silver-haired Geoffrey from Rainbow (Steve)
- 28: Silver-Haired Damon Hill (Mike)
- 29: Silver-haired David Jason (Mike)
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To an alleged cheat
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- 21: Alleged cheat S X Ma
- 22: Alleged ([since reformed]) cheat Dwain Chambers
- 23: Cheat Tecwen Whittock
- 24: Alleged cheat Stephen Lee (David)
- 25: Alleged cheat François Hollande (Steve)
- 26: Alleged cheats Blatter & FIFA (Mike)
- 27: Alleged cheats The New England Patriots (Mike)
- 28: Alleged cheat Hillary Clinton (David)
- 29: Alleged cheat Mike's Indonesian collaborator, who is being investigated for academic dishonesty (Mike)
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To a potential eighth Colonel's man
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To a seasonal chanteur
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- 23: Mentalist Christmas pop smash artist Mr. Blobby
- 24: Terry Wogan, for his timeless "Floral Dance" (Steve)
- 25: Chris Rhea (Mike)
- 26: Mel Smith, for 'Rocking Around The Christmas Tree' (Steve)
- 27: East 17, for 'Stay Another Day' (Steve)
- 28: (no toast)
- 29: Blondin (David)
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To a military hero
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- 24: Lt Col John Frost (David)
- 25: Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington (David)
- 26: The Red Baron (David)
- 27: Lt. Colonel Wilfrith Elstob, V.C. (Mike)
- 28: Richard the Lionheart (David)
- 29: Lt. Winters (Mike)
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To an idiotic former draw destination
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To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break
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- 26: "Dave and I will see you later!" (David / Mike)
- 27: "You, fuck you, you are a piece of fucking shit" (Mike)
- 28: "That reminds me of the Monty Python sketch" (David)
- 29: "Justin Trudeau has been around for ages" (Mike) (see above)
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To a noted user of public transport
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- 27: Angel, for helping us navigate the buses to the base of the mountain (Dave)
- 28: Her Majesty The Queen (David)
- 29: Rosa Parks (David)
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Special lifetime achievement toast
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- 28: The Lifetime Achievements of Terry Wogan (Mike)
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To a fair point made on a Colonel's break
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- 28: "Why you get off 96?" (Steve)
- 29: "If you scientists can't save the world, us artists are going to have to get up and do something" (David)
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To someone who has recently left office
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- 29: Douglas Carswell (Dave)
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Mission 30 30 Bergen
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Revurtjern hut,
near Fløyen
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(no new toast)
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- A fair point made on a break: "We'll never be able to tramp 15 miles through deep snow in the time available" (proposed by David)
- The dead Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin (Mike)
- The potential 8th Colonel's Man Synthetic Elon Musk in 2042 (Mike)
- The military hero Dave's Grandfather (David)
- The newly-appointed councillor for Gospel Oak, Jenny (Rupert)
- The Canadian MP Nancy Ruth, famous for proposing to change the Canadian National Anthem to be gender neutral (Mike)
- The mentallist Canadian MP Nancy Ruth (David)
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- A demented thing said on a break "I'm going to buy this cheese with prawns in it" (David) (may not have actually been said)
- The prolific user of Public Transport Robert from 19 Valletta (Dave)
- The alleged cheat tennis player Dan Evans (David)
- The not-particularly-shavoed Rupert (Mike)
- The recently-left-office Tim Farron (Mike)
- The idiotic Former Destination Kilimanjaro (Mike)
- The seasonal chanteur Chris Rea (Mike)
- The silver-haired Tony Moules (Mike)
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Mission 31 31 Kraków
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- The dining room of the Airbnb
- The basement bar C.K. Browar with various beers including a selectoid
- At the bottom of the Wieliczka Salt Mine
- On the toastamead of the Airbnb
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A nice German
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- The bearded Dave (proposed by Mike)
- Dead Burt Reynolds (by Mike)
- The prolific user of public transport, who crossed Sussex on route to this Colonel's break, Rupert (Dave)
- A demented thing said on a Colonel's break (by Mike): "I'm going to reinstate Louis' round" (David)
- A fair point said on a Colonel's break (by Mike): "This selectoid cost £3. How much did the one in Bergen cost?" (David)
- The mentalist Andrej the Pirate (Mike)
- The idiotic former destination Grenada (Dave)
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- The nice German Claus von Stauffenberg (David)
- The newly appointed Brexit minister Dominic Raab (Dave)
- The recently-left-office Dominic Raab (Dave)
- The potential 8th Colonel's Man (the military hero) Johnson Beharry (Mike)
- The alleged cheat Sir Robin Wales (Dave)
- The military hero General Wladyslaw Andres (David)
- The Canadian Tom Smylie, Senior Veterinarian at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Mike)
- The silver haired Joe Johnson (not the snooker player) (Dave)
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Mission 32 32 Rome
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- The Airbnb's upstairs patio
- On a rock at the end of Anzio, until the tide came in
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(no new toast)
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- The potential 8th Colonel's Man Chuka Umunna (proposed by Dave)
- The military hero Pvt. B. Roberts (by ? Mike or David?)
- The dead Peter Mayhew (Mike)
- The mustachioed Kevin Webster (?)
- The mentalist Roy Lancaster, one-star reviewer of Anzio's Beach Head War Cemetery despite never having gone himself (Mike)
- A fair point said on a Colonel's break: "Let me call my boss" (David)
- The Canadian Tim Horton (Steve)
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- The silver-haired Brian Tilsley (Steve)
- A demented thing said on a Colonel's break: "How about you just have two pizzas and some meat" (David)
- The nice German Max Planck (David)
- The prolific user of public transport Greta Thunberg (Dave)
- The idiotic former destination Beirut (Mike)
- The cheats David Warner and Steve Smith (Mike)
- The newly-appointed MEP for South West England Anne Widdicombe (Mike)
- The recently-left-office Fiona Onasanya (David)
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Mission 33 33 Bayeux
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- The Airbnb's dining table
- La Conquerant pub
- Bar Brasserie La Din’Nette
- Pointe du Hoc
- The American Cemetery
- Arromanches
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A Geordie
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- The dead Bob Willis (Mike)
- A prolific user of public transport Carlos Ghosn (the CEO who escaped on bullet train) (Dave)
- The recently-left-office Jo Swinson (?)
- The long-haired Bryan May (David)
- The silver-haired (and dead) David Bellamy (Dave)
- The alleged cheat Alastair Carter (Mike)
- A demented thing someone has said on a break “Definitely called my bus” (David)
- A moderately nice German Rommel (David)
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- An idiotic former destination the Scottish Highlands (Mike)
- The military hero CSM Hollis VC (David)
- The mentalist dead Derek Acorah (Mike) most haunted
- The potential 8th Colonel's Man Sean Pertwee (Mike, but David made it happen)
- The Geordie Bill Dunn, commander of the Juno Beach Churchill AVRE 1 Charlie tank (Dave)
- A fair point made “you can use your magic heart” (Mike, about a game of Bang!)
- The newly attained office Laura Ferris, MP of Newbury (David)
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Mission 34 34 Skipton
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- The Boathouse
- The summit of Ingleborough
- Skipton Castle, overlooking the waterfall
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For a good choice
(a temporary new toast)
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- The dead Eddie Large
- A prolific user of private transport Dominic Cummings
- The recently-gained-office Graham Medley, Chair of SPI-M
- The Canadian ? (Dave)
- An idiotic former destination Rouen
- The potential 8th Colonel's man Luna (David)
- The bearded dead Charles Darwin (Mike)
- A fair point made "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve)
- A demented thing said "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike)
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- The Military Hero Edward IV (David)
- The silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike)
- The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave)
- A nice German Alexander Rothenburg, a former lab partner (Dave)
- The recently-left-office 73 UK MEPs (David)
- The mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike)
- The alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave)
- For a good choice, Tom (Dave)
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