Mike's Lisbon diary
Thursday, 17th May
As David, Dave and Rupert departed for the Colonel's break, I found myself in the office, as I was taking the TAP Portugal flight at 6a.m. the following morning. I received a text from Chris mid-morning to tell me that he would be joining us, so I phoned him and we arranged that he should not tell the others until he arrived. At lunchtime, I received a call from TAP Portugal to say that, owing to the Portuguese air traffic control strike, my plane was cancelled. They had re-booked me on the six in the evening flight. I thought that this would make it not worth me going so after a short debate, I booked a seat on the Easyjet flight out of Liverpool that Steve and Chris were taking. I phoned David to let him know what was going on. I then phoned Chris to arrange to go up to Liverpool with him and Steve to tell him that I would see him at the airport. Once this was done, I headed home. After a nice dinner and a play with Tom, I headed to bed to get ready for an early start the following morning.
Friday, 12th November
I woke up at 6a.m. After a shower, I said goodbye to Rebecca and drove to Chris' house. The traffic wasn't great and I arrived about 8.20a.m. I had a quick cup of tea, then we left and drove up to Liverpool. We got to Chester quite early and decided that we had plenty of time, so we stopped at Chester services and got a couple of hot chocolates and muffins in. After chilling for a while, we continued our journey to Liverpool. Chris had decided to save 2 pounds on parking and had booked us into some rather dodgy looking warehouse car park area. However, the guy there seemed to know who we were so we left the car keys and took their minibus to the airport. We headed for security and joined a very long line. Steve texted to say he was just arriving at the station and would be there soon.
Once we'd got through security, we decided to go for some lunch. We passed the pub, but it looked very busy so we got a table at Frankie and Benny's instead. We ordered drinks and soon Steve arrived. He didn't know who the random guy at my table was and was delighted to discover that it was Chris. We got in a round of burgers and after we had wolved them down, we headed for the plane. We joined the queue near the front and Steve spotted a guy that looked like Bear Grylls. This led to lots of Bear Grylls applications throughout the journey involving such comments as "it tastes disgusting, but I'm going to crunch it down!" We boarded and secured seats near the front. The pilot then stood at the front and announced on the radio that thanks to the Portuguese air traffic control people, we would be on the ground in Liverpool for an hour. He softened the blow with a slightly amusing comedy routine. We then taxied to the runway and after about half an hour (not the hour that he had promised), we took off. Steve decided to splash out and got a round of drinks in for us. Chris went for an orangina and we had coffees. We also got a Twix for a quid between us. After consuming our third of a Twix, we discussed whether to have another one but eventually dismissed the idea. Throughout the flight, the pilot kept coming onto the radio announcing either a reduction or an increase in time before our arrival. We eventually landed around 5p.m. and got off the plane to be taken to a bus. A short bus ride to the terminal later, we went through immigration and departed the airport. We grabbed a taxi and made straight for the hotel VIP Executive Saldanha. David had texted to say that they were on the way home from their excursion day so we would hopefully see them shortly.
The journey to the hotel took around 15 minutes and, after slight confusion given that we were three people trying to check into a room for 2 and another room with 1 person already in it, we got our keys and headed upstairs. David, Dave and Rupert weren't back yet, so Chris deposited his bag in Dave's room, 203, on the second floor, checked 209 (Rupert and David's room) and then we all went up to 301 (mine and Steve's room). The hotel seemed okay and the rooms were reasonably good, though they had some rather disturbing glass doors on the bathroom that were slightly see through. As we left the room, we heard some noise from downstairs that suggested that David, Dave and Rupert were back. Steve and I headed downstairs, instructing Chris to hang back a bit. We greeted them in the corridor and I asked what would be the most amazing thing that could happen on a Colonel's break. David said, "You haven't brought Chris with you, have you?" At this point, we introduced him and he walked around the corner. David, Dave and Rupert were all very excited. David quizzed me on how long I had known and I told him that I was only aware of the possibility on the Wednesday night and I only knew for definite on the Thursday.
At this point, David and Dave introduced us to the drink, Doctor Wine, that they had bought and the new mascot Doctor Wine, that they acquired. It was a tile drawing with monks on it, including one monk peering through at them who had seen everything - he'd seen it all.
We decided to have quick showers and then head out, to maximise our time that evening. We met up in the lobby thirty minutes later and took the short walk to Saldanha station. David showed us the grate that Rupert had dropped his ticket through the previous day, then used his super-human strength to pick the grate up to retrieve it. We bought travel cards then got on the train and headed to Restauradores. Once we arrived, we headed for a tram that went up a really steep hill into the Bairro Alto (Upper City, same thing) district, where there was apparently a Port Wine Institute with comfortable arm chairs and waiter service. We took the short ride up the hill and paused to take in the impressive views over the city before going to the Port Wine Institute. A coach party had beaten us into the place and it was packed, but Steve didn't like the look of it anyway (he thought it was too 80s), so we left and headed into the Bairro Alto district to look for an alternative venue for drinks. We wandered around for about 20 minutes and just as disgruntlement was about to set in, we passed a place called Bar do Ricardo that seemed okay. It was empty and we went inside to sit down. The barman came to serve us. David, Chris and I ordered port blanco whilst the others ordered beers. We also ordered some tapas - cheese, bread and the "fire sausages". The waiter brought our drinks, cheese (small slices with cocktail sticks) and bread then dumped a small clay pot on the table, poured oil into it and set fire to it. He then put a grill on top and dumped a sausage on it. Chris gamely fought the flames to turn it over a few times before we considered it to be done and we ate it up.
During our first round of drinks, we completed the mentalist list, which already had Copenhagen, Gaarmisch Partenkirchen, Bamberg and Stockholm on it. I added Kiev, Chris added Prague and Steve added Flores in the Azores onto the list. We then did the Shanamman round
Saturday, 13th November
Get up and go for breakfast. Wander over to bus station to get bus to Gozo. Long bus ride. Arrive at ferry and get on board. Get rubbish drinks then go up on deck. Ferry arrives and get on bus to Victoria. Rude people bag seats as they are six peoples. We joke that we are five peoples. As we are about to get off the bus, some Poles behind us tell us they are seven peoples. We ask them for a destination. They choose Lisbon. Get off bus and go to old, walled city. Walk up to take in views and chill for a while. Look at Christ statue in distance. Decide to walk to Ramla Bay. Buy Malta bus from stall, then stop in shop in market place to buy supplies for the walk - some food and beers for the toasts. Walk downhill then long up hill past cemetery towards Xaghra. Pause for views then continue into Xaghra. Buy pasties and walk towards the beach. Arrive at Calypso's Cave and sit on cliff eating lunch. Do toasts - julia bradbury and matt the farmer (new presenters of countryfile), shavoed Vernon Kay, dead Gerard Kelly, the mentalist Robert from Duty Free and the Canadian Greg Rusedski. Once we've done this, go down into cave then descend to beach. Look at statue of Virgin Mary, then take long walk uphill into town of Nadur. Walk through Nadur then go down to Mgarr to catch ferry. Stop in bar and look out over harbour with drinks before ferry arrives. Get on board ferry and see Robert. Get off ferry and make sure Robert gets on same bus as us, then go back to Valletta. Return to hotel to get ready for stammtisch.
Stammtisch at the Pub. Dave arrives first, then Mike and David, then Rupert and Steve. After some time chilling, go for final night meal in ...
Arrive to be greeted by crazy waiter. Say we'll give him extra 10 Euro tip if he calls us hombres. Get in nachos and chicken wings for starters, followed by steak dish for main and creme brulee for dessert. Ask waiter for destination. He gets his friend to help and they choose Miami, even though Gran Canaria is on the list and that's where he's from. Also chosen by Hel 2006, so Miami is in hell. I won Pete Gibbon's round earlier and decide to tie P.G. envelope to Grosser Vass.
1st Mascot Draw:
Mike - Kurt, Steve - Barney, Rupert - La Dole
2nd Mascot Draw:
Steve - Shaft, Rupert - Chris - Kurt, David - Grosser Vass, Mike - LLL, Dave - Glogg
3rd Mascot Draw:
Dave - Hel2006, David - Eric
Revealing of Destinations:
1 2
Kurt's veto:
Rehearsal draw:
wins rehearsal draw
The draw:
Well, it's Bruges next time!
Leave restaurant and wander back to the hotel. Have a final drink at the bar then punch the sack to get ready for the final day.
Get up and go for final breakfast. Wander to
Sunday, 20th May
Steve and I woke up and decided to go for breakfast. Chris was still in his pyjamas and David was in the shower so we wandered down to the lobby to wait. Eventually David and Rupert arrived so we headed to the Victoria cafe for our traditional breakfast. We went for coffee and orange juice as usual. I went for some appetising looking pastries for David and I, but they turned out to be a big cack. Dave and Chris arrived a short while later and ordered their breakfast. David and I got in a custard each whilst Chris proceeded to order about three cakes. We paid the bill and left, discovering that we'd been undercharged to the order of six cakes. After speculation that the business was going under because the guys working at the counter were giving out free cakes, we headed back to the hotel. We checked out and Chris, Steve and I got a taxi whilst the others deposited their cases and headed out for the day. David and Dave started laughing as it appeared that our taxi had flat tyres.
We arrived at the airport and the taxi driver decided to dump us at terminal one without asking. We discovered that we were supposed to be at terminal two and decided to walk, but after about half a mile there was a sign at the end of the pavement saying that you couldn't walk between terminals. Having been shafted, we returned to terminal one and caught the bus. Terminal two turned out to be tiny, so we sat in the cafe by the entrance and got a round of drinks in. Steve ordered two beers and the guy gave him large beers. He insisted he wanted small ones so the guy was forced to transfer them into small glasses. After our drinks, we headed through security and, after a quick stop to purchase toblerone and a present for Tom, we made for the plane. We ended up near the front of the queue and speculated that we may be able to shaft the anti-shafters but the door only opened halfway, allowing the anti-shafters to board first. We made for the back of the plane and secured three seats together. Once the plane had taken off, we got in a round of drinks and shared out the toblerone. After an uneventful flight, we landed in Liverpool. Chris and I said goodbye to Steve then headed for the car. We drove back to Shrewsbury, but had to stop in a layby near Wrexham on route to listen to the final ten minutes of the York vs Luton play off final. York won 2-1 to get promoted back to League 2. We arrived back at Chris' house and I said goodbye to him, thus ending our Colonel's break experiences. I then drove home and picked up some fish and chips for Rebecca, Tom and myself. I got back at around 7.30p.m. It had been an enjoyable abridged break with lots of comedy and I was certainly looking forward to Steamboat Springs next time!