Toast
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Toastees
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Notes
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To someone who has recently attained office
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- 15: New Mayor of London, Mayor Boris Johnson
- 16: New President of the USA, Barack Obama
- 17: New President of the RSPB, Kate Humble
- 18: New head of department at Leeds University
- 19: New presenters of Countryfile Julia Bradbury and Matt the Farmer
- 20: New Lecturer Mike
- 21: New Doctor Christophe Moules
- 22: Woy Hodgson, England manager
- 23: New Canadian Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney
- 24: New Prime Minister of Australia Tony Abbott (proposed by David)
- 25: New director of McLaren Ron Dennis (Mike)
- 26: New Head of DHS research funding and replacement for Leland, Michelle Colby (Mike)
- 27: New Shadow International Development Secretary Diane Abbott (David)
- 28: New Mentalist Prime Minister Theresa May (Mike)
- 29: New UK representative to the International Arctic Science Committee, Steve (Dave)
- 30: New councillor for Gospel Oak, Jenny (Rupert)
- 31: New Brexit minister Dominic Raab (Dave)
- 32: New MEP for South West England Ann Widdecombe (Mike)
- 33: New MP for Newbury Laura Ferris (David)
- 34: New Chair of SPI-M Graham Medley (Mike?)
- 35: Newly appointed Second Dog of Steve's household Skye a.k.a. Victor (Dave)
- 36: New Chairman of Yorkshire County Cricket Club Lord Patel (David)
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To someone who has recently died
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- 16: Dead Paul Newman
- 17: Dead Farrah Fawcett
- 18: Dead Stephen Gately
- 19: Dead Gerard Kelly (Bunny from Extras)
- 20: Dead Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Dead Bubba Smith
- 22: Dead Frank Carson
- 23: Dead Clive Dunn
- 24: Dead Seamus Heaney (Dave)
- 25: Dead Roger Lloyd Pack (David)
- 26: Dead Garibaldi (David)
- 27: Dead Cilla Black (Mike)
- 28: Dead Ronnie Corbett (David)
- 29: Dead Yorkshireman Gorden Kaye (David)
- 30: Dead Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin (Mike)
- 31: Dead Burt Reynolds (Mike)
- 32: Dead Peter Mayhew (Mike)
- 33: Dead Bob Willis (Mike)
- 34: Dead Eddie Large
- 35: Dead Jackie Mason (David)
- 36: Dead Shane Warne (Mike)
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To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed
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- 17: Beardo Pelham Barton (and recruit)
- 18: Moustachioed Des Lynam
- 19: Shavoed Vernon Kay
- 20: Shavoed Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Mutton Chopsoed Chester Arthur
- 22: ?
- 23: Beardo Christoffer from the Bishop's Arms, Malmö
- 24: Moustachioed Allan Border (Steve)
- 25: Beardo Hideous Orangutan - from Fawlty Towers (Steve)
- 26: Shavoed Jon Lee from S Club 7 (Mike)
- 27: Moustachioed Samarjit Patnaik (Steve)
- 28: Newly-Moustachioed Nigel Farrage (Steve)
- 29: Beardoed Romesh Ranganathan (Mike)
- 30: Not-particularly-shavoed Rupert (Mike)
- 31: Beardoed Dave (proposed by Mike)
- 32: Mustachioed Kevin Webster (?)
- 33: Long-haired Bryan May (David)
- 34: Beardoed dead Charles Darwin (Mike)
- 35: Mustachioed Paul Chuckle (Mike)
- 36: Mustachioed CAMRA guy in the Waterworks (Mike)
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To a mentalist
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- 18: Mentalist in Casa Mexicana
- 19: Mentalist Robert from Duty Free
- 20: Mentalist Leslie Nielsen
- 21: The mentalist in Comics whom we failed to get a destination from
- 22: Mentalist Brian Paddick
- 23: Mentalist restauranteur (and alleged purchaser of the world's entire supply of Donkey Cheese) Novak Djoković
- 24: Mentalist Boris Johnson (Dave)
- 25: Mentalist David Blaine (Mike)
- 26: Mentalist Putin (David)
- 27: Mentalist Jeremy Corbyn (David)
- 28: Mentalist Donald Trump (Chris)
- 29: Mentalist David Icke (Mike)
- 30: Mentalist Canadian MP Nancy Ruth, who proposed to change the Canadian National Anthem to be gender neutral (David)
- 31: Mentalist Andrzej the Pirate (Mike)
- 32: Mentalist Roy Lancaster, for leaving a one-star review of Anzio's Beach Head War Cemetery despite never having gone himself (Mike)
- 33: Mentalist dead Derek Acorah (Mike) most haunted
- 34: Mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike)
- 35: Mentalist Caligula (David)
- 36: Mentalist King Harold for fighting a battle at Stamford Bridge and then walking all the way to Battle (Mike)
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To a Canadian
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- 19: Canadian Greg Rusedski
- 20: Canadian Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Canadian William Shatner
- 22: Canadian Alain Robidoux
- 23: Canadian Mike Nolan
- 24: Canadian Michael J Fox (David)
- 25: Canadian Dan Aykroyd (Mike)
- 26: Canadian Bill Werburniuk (Mike)
- 27: Canadian Rachel McAdams (Mike)
- 28: Canadian John Candy (David)
- 29: Canadian Justin Trudeau (David)
- 30: Canadian MP Nancy Ruth (Mike)
- 31: Canadian Tom Smylie, Senior Veterinarian at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Mike)
- 32: Canadian Tim Horton (Steve)
- 33: (?)
- 34: Canadian Rob Harbron (Dave)
- 35: Canadian-born Emma Raducanu (Chris)
- 36: Canadian mentalist Elon Musk (Mike)
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To someone with silver hair
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- 20: Silver Haired Leslie Nielsen
- 21: Silver Haired Phillip Schofield
- 22: Platinum Blonde Mayor Boris Johnson
- 23: Silver Haired Jonathan Edwards
- 24: Silver-haired tractor driver Gary Lineker (Dave)
- 25: Silver-haired racing driver Kimi Raikkonen (Dave/Steve)
- 26: Silver-haired Harry Gration (Steve)
- 27: Silver-haired Geoffrey from Rainbow (Steve)
- 28: Silver-Haired Damon Hill (Mike)
- 29: Silver-haired David Jason (Mike)
- 30: Silver-haired Tony Moules (Mike)
- 31: Silver haired Joe Johnson (not the snooker player) (Dave)
- 32: Silver-haired Brian Tilsley (Steve)
- 33: Silver-haired Dead David Bellamy (Dave)
- 34: Silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike)
- 35: Partially silver-haired Luna (Steve)
- 36: Silver-haired HM The Queen, in her Jubilee year (David)
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To an alleged cheat
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- 21: Alleged cheat S X Ma
- 22: Alleged ([since reformed]) cheat Dwain Chambers
- 23: Cheat Tecwen Whittock
- 24: Alleged cheat Stephen Lee (David)
- 25: Alleged cheat François Hollande (Steve)
- 26: Alleged cheats Blatter & FIFA (Mike)
- 27: Alleged cheats The New England Patriots (Mike)
- 28: Alleged cheat Hillary Clinton (David)
- 29: Alleged cheat Mike's Indonesian collaborator, who is being investigated for academic dishonesty (Mike)
- 30: Alleged tennis cheat Dan Evans (David)
- 31: Alleged cheat Sir Robin Wales (Dave)
- 32: Cheats David Warner and Steve Smith (Mike)
- 33: Alleged cheat Alastair Carter (Mike)
- 34: Alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave)
- 35: Love cheat Matt Hancock (David, based on Mike's idea)
- 36: Alleged cheat Christian Horner (Mike)
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To a potential eighth Colonel's man
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- 22: Jon Voight
- 23: Dead Don Ameche
- 24: Devon Malcolm (David)
- 25: Keith (David)
- 26: [That Dog] (David)
- 27: Fabrizio Figer / Finger (Dave)
- 28: Angel (Mike)
- 29: Lord Bernard of Bourscheid (David)
- 30: Synthetic Elon Musk in 2042 (Mike)
- 31: Military hero Johnson Beharry (Mike)
- 32: Mentalist Chuka Umunna (proposed by Dave)
- 33: Sean Pertwee (Mike, but David made it happen)
- 34: Luna (David)
- 35: Pate from Soccer Boss (Mike & David)
- 36: The red-bearded Alan of Richmond (Mike)
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To a seasonal chanteur
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- 23: Mentalist Christmas pop smash artist Mr. Blobby
- 24: Terry Wogan, for his timeless "Floral Dance" (Steve)
- 25: Chris Rhea (Mike)
- 26: Mel Smith, for 'Rocking Around The Christmas Tree' (Steve)
- 27: East 17, for 'Stay Another Day' (Steve)
- 28: (no toast)
- 29: Blondin (David)
- 30: Chris Rea (Mike) (Not to be confused with the more obscure, but equally seasonal, Chris Rhea Mike toasted in Mission 25 25 Ghent)
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Retired by agreement after Mission 30 30 Bergen
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To a military hero
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- 24: Lt Col John Frost (David)
- 25: Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington (David)
- 26: The Red Baron (David)
- 27: Lt. Colonel Wilfrith Elstob, V.C. (Mike)
- 28: Richard the Lionheart (David)
- 29: Lt. Winters (Mike)
- 30: Dave's Grandfather (David)
- 31: General Wladyslaw Andres (David)
- 32: Pvt. B. Roberts (? Mike or David?)
- 33: CSM Hollis, V.C. (David)
- 34: Edward IV (David)
- 35: Pen Farthing, for evacuating a plane full of dogs from Afghanistan (Mike)
- 36: Volodymyr Zelensky (David)
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To an idiotic former draw destination
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To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break
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- 26: "Dave and I will see you later!" (David / Mike)
- 27: "You, fuck you, you are a piece of fucking shit" (Mike)
- 28: "That reminds me of the Monty Python sketch" (David)
- 29: "Justin Trudeau has been around for ages" (Mike) (see above)
- 30: "I'm going to buy this cheese with prawns in it" (David) (may not have actually been said)
- 31: "I'm going to reinstate Louis' round" (David, quoting Mike)
- 32: "How about you just have two pizzas and some meat" (David)
- 33: “Definitely called my bus” (David, quoting Rupert)
- 34: "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike)
- 35: That we should descend Helvellyn on Swirral Edge (David)
- 36: "Dr Wine is available everywhere" (David)
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To a noted user of public transport
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- 27: Angel, for helping us navigate the buses to the base of the mountain (Dave)
- 28: Her Majesty The Queen (David)
- 29: Rosa Parks (David)
- 30: Robert from "Duty Free" from 19 Valletta (Dave)
- 31: Rupert, who crossed Sussex on route to this Colonel's break (Dave)
- 32: Greta Thunberg (Dave)
- 33: Carlos Ghosn (the CEO who escaped on bullet train) (Dave)
- 34: Dominic Cummings (who thought he was using private transport, but someone spotted him) (Dave)
- 35: Prolific user of Public Footpaths Cumbrian Brian Glover? (Mike)
- 36: Recent prolific user of public transport Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe (Dave)
- 36: Prolific user of Articulated Lorries David Cameron (Mike)
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Special lifetime achievement toast
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- 28: The Lifetime Achievements of Terry Wogan (Mike)
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To a fair point made on a Colonel's break
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- 28: "Why you get off 96?" (Steve)
- 29: "If you scientists can't save the world, us artists are going to have to get up and do something" (David)
- 30: "We'll never be able to tramp 15 miles through deep snow in the time available" (David)
- 31: "This selectoid cost £3. How much did the one in Bergen cost?" (David, quoting Mike)
- 32: "Let me call my boss" (David)
- 33: “You can use your magic heart” (?, quoting Mike, about a game of Bang!)
- 34: "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve, quoting Winston)
- 35: That the staff at the Fell Bar should have considered the size of their pizzas when buying tables (Dave)
- 36: "There's a muddy patch coming up. I couldn't find a way around it." (Dave, quoting a runner we met on a path)
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To someone who has recently left office
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- 29: Douglas Carswell (Dave)
- 30: Tim Farron (Mike)
- 31: Dominic Raab (Dave) (see above)
- 32: Fiona Onasanya (David)
- 33: Jo Swinson (?)
- 34: 73 UK MEPs (David)
- 35: The mentalist Mike Pence (Mike)
- 36: Marina Osvyannikova, for presenting an anti-war placard on Russian TV news (Dave)
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To a nice German
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- 31: Nice German Claus von Stauffenberg (David)
- 32: Nice German Max Planck (David)
- 33: Moderately nice German Rommel (David)
- 34: Nice German Alexander Rothenberger, a former lab partner (Dave)
- 35: Nice German Thomas Muller, for missing an open goal against England in the World Cup (Mike)
- 36: Nicer than expected German Sebastian Vettel, for refusing to compete in the Russian GP (David)
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A Geordie
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- 33: Geordie Bill Dunn, commander of the Juno Beach Churchill AVRE 1 Charlie tank (Dave)
- 34: The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave)
- 35: The Geordies dressed as white mammals (goats we think, or possibly sheep or cows) we met climbing Helvellyn (Dave)
- 36: The Geordie Peter Beardsley (Mike)
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For a good choice
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- 34: For a good choice, Tom (Dave)
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To a great invention
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- 35: The invention of the two-step process for cleaning a Vitoshan Dog with leaves and Dirt (Steve)
- 36: The Oast to dry hops (Dave)
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To a very funny thing
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- 36: A very funny thing Italy beating Wales in the Six Nations (David) (not universally approved)
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To the stammtisch
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- 36: To the first Stammtisch in a round room* (David)
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