The toasts: Difference between revisions
(Kendal toasts first draft) |
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|{{M35}} | |{{M35}} | ||
| | |[[Image:Kendal_Toast_Scout_Scar.jpg]] | ||
[[Image:Kendal_Toast_Scout_Scar.jpg]] | |||
| | | | ||
* In the living room and kitchen | * In the living room and kitchen | ||
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* On a memorial bench near Scout Scar | * On a memorial bench near Scout Scar | ||
| To a great invention | | To a great invention | ||
|- | |||
|{{M36}} | |||
| | |||
| | |||
* At the Waterworks micropub | |||
* At the Oast | |||
* By the Hidden Truths sculpture on the 1066 Country Walk | |||
* At the Battle Tap | |||
* At the Three Legs Taproom | |||
| To a very funny thing | |||
To the [[Stammtisch|stammtisch]] | |||
|- | |||
|{{M37}} | |||
| | |||
| | |||
* In the Fabrika Gastro Pub | |||
* At the top of the mountain | |||
* On the old bobsled track | |||
* In the Celtic Pub | |||
| * A special lifetime achievement toast | |||
* To a prolific user of private transport | |||
|- | |||
|{{M38}} | |||
| | |||
| | |||
* On a bench near a church | |||
* A waterfall on Vágar island | |||
* At the Beer Hub | |||
* At the highest point on the Faroe Islands | |||
* At the AirBnB | |||
| * For recently losing weight | |||
|} | |} | ||
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* {{M34s}}: New Chair of SPI-M Graham Medley (Mike?) | * {{M34s}}: New Chair of SPI-M Graham Medley (Mike?) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Newly appointed Second Dog of Steve's household Skye a.k.a. Victor (Dave) | * {{M35s}}: Newly appointed Second Dog of Steve's household Skye a.k.a. Victor (Dave) | ||
* {{M36s}}: New Chairman of Yorkshire County Cricket Club Lord Patel (David) | |||
* {{M37s}}: New King, King Charles III (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: New Prime Minister of Italy, Georgia Meloni (David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: New host of the Weakest Link, Romesh Ranganathan (Mike) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Dead Eddie Large | * {{M34s}}: Dead Eddie Large | ||
* {{M35s}}: Dead Jackie Mason (David) | * {{M35s}}: Dead Jackie Mason (David) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Dead Shane Warne (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Dead Mrs McClusky, dying the same day as the Queen (David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Dead Mike Yarwood (Mike) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Beardoed dead Charles Darwin (Mike) | * {{M34s}}: Beardoed dead Charles Darwin (Mike) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Mustachioed Paul Chuckle (Mike) | * {{M35s}}: Mustachioed Paul Chuckle (Mike) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Mustachioed CAMRA guy in the Waterworks (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Bearded Jack Black, recently spotted on Hollywood Boulevard (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Beardoed Most of the Vikings (Mike) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike) | * {{M34s}}: Mentalist George Galloway, for uniting the unionist vote in Scotland (Mike) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Mentalist Caligula (David) | * {{M35s}}: Mentalist Caligula (David) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Mentalist King Harold for fighting a battle at Stamford Bridge and then walking all the way to Battle (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Mentalists two Boris Vishnevskys, who ran for election against the real Boris Vishnevsky in St Petersburg (David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Mentalist who saw reported a ritual mass murder to the Lincolnshire Police but [it was a yoga class|https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-66742339] (Dave) | |||
|- | |- | ||
|To a Canadian | |To a Canadian | ||
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* {{M33s}}: (?) | * {{M33s}}: (?) | ||
* {{M34s}}: Canadian Rob Harbron (Dave) | * {{M34s}}: Canadian Rob Harbron (Dave) | ||
* {{M35s}}: | * {{M35s}}: Canadian-born Emma Raducanu (Chris) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Canadian mentalist Elon Musk (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Canadian Dan Olsen, YouTuber and cryptocurrency hater (Dave) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Canadian comedy troupe The Kids In The Hall (Rupert) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike) | * {{M34s}}: Silver-haired Winston, our AirBnB host (Mike) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Partially silver-haired Luna (Steve) | * {{M35s}}: Partially silver-haired Luna (Steve) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Silver-haired HM The Queen, in her Jubilee year (David) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Intermittently silver-haired (and mental) Tandy (Dave) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Raven-haired #3 from Montenegro (Dave) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave) | * {{M34s}}: Alleged tax cheat John McAfee (Dave) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Love cheat Matt Hancock (David, based on Mike's idea) | * {{M35s}}: Love cheat Matt Hancock (David, based on Mike's idea) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Alleged cheat Christian Horner (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Alleged cheat chess grandmaster Hans Niemann (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Alleged cheat Hunter Biden (David) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Luna (David) | * {{M34s}}: Luna (David) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Pate from Soccer Boss (Mike & David) | * {{M35s}}: Pate from Soccer Boss (Mike & David) | ||
* {{M36s}}: The red-bearded Alan of Richmond (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Hank, Dave's plasterer (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: The Faroese Rhod Gilbert (Mike) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M32s}}: Pvt. B. Roberts (? Mike or David?) | * {{M32s}}: Pvt. B. Roberts (? Mike or David?) | ||
* {{M33s}}: CSM Hollis, V.C. (David) | * {{M33s}}: CSM Hollis, V.C. (David) | ||
* {{M34s}}: | * {{M34s}}: Edward IV (David) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Pen Farthing, for evacuating a plane full of dogs from Afghanistan (Mike) | * {{M35s}}: Pen Farthing, for evacuating a plane full of dogs from Afghanistan (Mike) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Volodymyr Zelensky (David) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Captain Bligh (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Viking Hero and early visitor to England Ragnar Lodbok (Dave) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M31s}}: {{Grenada}} (Dave) | * {{M31s}}: {{Grenada}} (Dave) | ||
* {{M32s}}: {{Beirut}} (Mike) | * {{M32s}}: {{Beirut}} (Mike) | ||
* {{M33s}}: the {{Scottish Highlands}} (Mike) (this seemed idiotic in | * {{M33s}}: the {{Scottish Highlands}} (Mike) (this seemed idiotic in January 2020) | ||
* {{M34s}}: {{Rouen}} | * {{M34s}}: {{Rouen}} | ||
* {{M35s}}: {{Alice Springs}} (Dave) | * {{M35s}}: {{Alice Springs}} (Dave) | ||
* {{M36s}}: {{Taranto}} (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: {{Dugi Otok}} (Davod) | |||
* {{M38s}}: {{Seville}}, knowing it would be vetoed (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: {{Tórshavn}} in September (by general acclaim) | |||
|- | |- | ||
|To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break | |To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break | ||
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* {{M33s}}: “Definitely called my bus” (David, quoting Rupert) | * {{M33s}}: “Definitely called my bus” (David, quoting Rupert) | ||
* {{M34s}}: "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike) | * {{M34s}}: "I'm asking you nicely" (Mike) | ||
* {{M35s}}: That we should descend Helvellyn on | * {{M35s}}: That we should descend Helvellyn on Swirral Edge (David) | ||
* {{M36s}}: "Dr Wine is available everywhere" (David) | |||
* {{M37s}}: "Let's use [path up the mountain] K2 instead of H1" (David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: "This beer is brewed with sheep shit" (David) | |||
|- | |- | ||
|To a noted user of public transport | |To a noted user of public transport | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Dominic Cummings (who thought he was using private transport, but someone spotted him) (Dave) | * {{M34s}}: Dominic Cummings (who thought he was using private transport, but someone spotted him) (Dave) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Prolific user of Public Footpaths Cumbrian Brian Glover? (Mike) | * {{M35s}}: Prolific user of Public Footpaths Cumbrian Brian Glover? (Mike) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Recent prolific user of public transport Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe (Dave) | |||
* {{M36s}}: Prolific user of Articulated Lorries David Cameron (Mike) | |||
* {{M37s}}: The world heads of state taking a bus to the Queen's funeral (David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: The Montenegrin Women's Football Team (Mike) | |||
|- | |- | ||
|Special lifetime achievement toast | |Special lifetime achievement toast | ||
| | | | ||
* {{M28s}}: The Lifetime Achievements of Terry Wogan (Mike) | * {{M28s}}: The Lifetime Achievements of Terry Wogan (Mike) | ||
* {{M37s}}: The Lifetime Achievements of The Queen (Mike) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M33s}}: “You can use your magic heart” (?, quoting Mike, about a game of Bang!) | * {{M33s}}: “You can use your magic heart” (?, quoting Mike, about a game of Bang!) | ||
* {{M34s}}: "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve, quoting Winston) | * {{M34s}}: "Well then you should have told him to bugger off then" (Steve, quoting Winston) | ||
* {{M35s}}: That | * {{M35s}}: That the staff at the Fell Bar should have considered the size of their pizzas when buying tables (Dave) | ||
* {{M36s}}: "There's a muddy patch coming up. I couldn't find a way around it." (Dave, quoting a runner we met on a path) | |||
* {{M37s}}: "Well I just toasted Zoltan" (Dave & David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: "We will experience turbulence during landing" (David) | |||
|- | |- | ||
| To someone who has recently left office | | To someone who has recently left office | ||
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* {{M34s}}: 73 UK MEPs (David) | * {{M34s}}: 73 UK MEPs (David) | ||
* {{M35s}}: The mentalist Mike Pence (Mike) | * {{M35s}}: The mentalist Mike Pence (Mike) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Marina Osvyannikova, for presenting an anti-war placard on Russian TV news (Dave) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Richard Osman, co-host of Pointless (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Hansi Flick, former manager of the German football team (Mike) | |||
| | | | ||
|- | |- | ||
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* {{M34s}}: Nice German Alexander Rothenberger, a former lab partner (Dave) | * {{M34s}}: Nice German Alexander Rothenberger, a former lab partner (Dave) | ||
* {{M35s}}: Nice German Thomas Muller, for missing an open goal against England in the World Cup (Mike) | * {{M35s}}: Nice German Thomas Muller, for missing an open goal against England in the World Cup (Mike) | ||
* {{M36s}}: Nicer than expected German Sebastian Vettel, for refusing to compete in the Russian GP (David) | |||
* {{M37s}}: Nice German Zoran, Mike's Taekwondo sparring partner (Mike) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Nice German Selina from Dave's Morris Side (Dave) | |||
|- | |- | ||
| A Geordie | | A Geordie | ||
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* {{M34s}}: The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave) | * {{M34s}}: The Geordie Mark Wild, CEO of Crossrail (Dave) | ||
* {{M35s}}: The Geordies dressed as white mammals (goats we think, or possibly sheep or cows) we met climbing Helvellyn (Dave) | * {{M35s}}: The Geordies dressed as white mammals (goats we think, or possibly sheep or cows) we met climbing Helvellyn (Dave) | ||
* {{M36s}}: The Geordie Peter Beardsley (Mike) | |||
| Retired by {{Big Rich Lionheart}} after {{M37}} | |||
|- | |- | ||
| For a good choice | | For a good choice | ||
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| | | | ||
* {{M35s}}: The invention of the two-step process for cleaning a Vitoshan Dog with leaves and Dirt (Steve) | * {{M35s}}: The invention of the two-step process for cleaning a Vitoshan Dog with leaves and Dirt (Steve) | ||
* {{M36s}}: The Oast to dry hops (Dave) | |||
* {{M37s}}: The concrete bobsled run (Dave) | |||
* {{M38s}}: Roasting malt with sheep dung to make stout (Dave) | |||
|- | |||
| To a very funny thing | |||
| | |||
* {{M36s}}: A very funny thing Italy beating Wales in the Six Nations (David) (not universally approved) | |||
* {{M37s}}: A very funny thing getting knocked back in both Bosnian and Italian trying to get a destination from a mentalist (David) | |||
* {{M38s}}: A very funny thing {{Ferdinand McFatCat}}'s guts squeezed out (David) | |||
|- | |||
| To the [[Stammtisch|stammtisch]] | |||
| | |||
* {{M36s}}: To the first Stammtisch in a round room* (David) | |||
|- | |||
| To a noted user of private transport | |||
| | |||
* {{M37s}}: To David Schultz, for not wearing mask on plane (Mike) | |||
|- | |||
| For recently losing weight | |||
| | |||
* {{M38s}}: To {{Ferdinand McFatCat}} (David) | |||
|} | |} | ||
<nowiki>*</nowiki>He means a bollock |
Latest revision as of 12:46, 7 October 2023
A new regular feature of Colonel's missions, the toasts originated on Mission 15 15 Geneva. After a strenuous hike up La dole, the men surveyed the spread out landscape beneath, and were moved to mark the occasion with a toast. The chosen toastee was Mayor Boris, who had recently attained office; the vehicle of the toast, a can of Feldschloesschen lager.
Since then, at lunchtime on the excursion day, the men toast various luminaries of different types. Oddly, the toasts are not associated with any particular mascot, nor are they an application.
Mission | Location and vehicle of toast | New toast | |
---|---|---|---|
Mission 15 15 Geneva | La Dôle with Feldschloesschen lager | To someone who has recently attained office | |
Mission 16 16 Athens | Lykavittos Hill | To someone who has recently died | |
Mission 17 17 36 Porto | Croft's distillery, Porto, with Croft's port | To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed | |
Mission 18 18 Berlin | Christmas market, Alexanderplatz | To a mentalist | |
Mission 19 19 Valletta | Ramla Bay, Gozo, with Cisk lager and Kinnie | To a Canadian | |
Mission 20 20 Bruges | De Garre, with their Belgian home brew | To someone with silver hair | |
Mission 21 21 Budapest | János-hegy hill, with various Hungarian beers | To an alleged cheat | |
Mission 22 22 Lisbon | Beside the river in Belém, with Sagres and Super Bock beer | To a potential eighth Colonel's man | |
Mission 23 23 Copenhagen | In a Christmas shack in the courtyard of Kronborg Slot, with mustard Dan Cake and various Danish beers | To a seasonal chanteur | |
Mission 24 24 Arnhem | On a graffittied wall overlooking the Rhine, with Hertog Jan and another beer | To a military hero | |
Mission 25 25 Ghent | On the Lion Mound at Waterloo with a selection of Belgian beers | To an idiotic former draw destination | |
Mission 26 21 26 Garmisch-Partenkirchen | Up the Zugspitze with boiling Hacker-Pschorr beer and on The Wank with the remains of the Hacker-Pschorr | To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break | |
Mission 27 27 Sofia | At the summit of Vitosha with miscellaneous cans of cheap-but-good local beer | To a noted user of public transport | |
Mission 28 28 Vienna |
|
| |
Mission 29 29 Luxembourg (City) |
|
To someone who has recently left office | |
Mission 30 30 Bergen | Revurtjern hut,
near Fløyen |
(no new toast) | |
Mission 31 31 Kraków |
|
To a nice German | |
Mission 32 32 Rome | (no new toast) | ||
Mission 33 33 Bayeux |
|
To a Geordie | |
Mission 34 34 Skipton |
|
For a good choice | |
Mission 35 35 Kendal |
|
To a great invention | |
Mission 36 36 Rye |
|
To a very funny thing
To the stammtisch | |
Mission 37 34 37 Sarajevo |
|
* A special lifetime achievement toast
| |
Mission 38 38 Tórshavn |
|
* For recently losing weight |
Toastees
Toast | Toastees | Notes |
---|---|---|
To someone who has recently attained office |
|
|
To someone who has recently died |
|
|
To someone beardoed, moustachioed or shavoed |
|
|
To a mentalist |
| |
To a Canadian |
|
|
To someone with silver hair |
|
|
To an alleged cheat |
|
|
To a potential eighth Colonel's man |
|
|
To a seasonal chanteur |
|
Retired by agreement after Mission 30 30 Bergen |
To a military hero |
|
|
To an idiotic former draw destination |
| |
To a demented statement made on a Colonel's Break |
| |
To a noted user of public transport |
| |
Special lifetime achievement toast | ||
To a fair point made on a Colonel's break |
| |
To someone who has recently left office |
|
|
To a nice German |
| |
A Geordie | Retired by Big Rich Lionheart after Mission 37 34 37 Sarajevo | |
For a good choice |
| |
To a great invention | ||
To a very funny thing |
| |
To the stammtisch |
| |
To a noted user of private transport |
| |
For recently losing weight |
|
*He means a bollock