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Helsinki is capital of Finland, a country sadly neglected---and often ignored.

Also the destination for mission 12 of the Colonel's weekend breaks! Piparus is a native of there.


Mike's Helsinki diary


Bum shower

The very useful bum shower hangs on the wall beside the toilet
The very useful bum shower hangs on the wall beside the toilet

Bum showers are found throughout Finland in toilets. They appear to be a variation on the French bidet and are showers attached to the wall next to toilets. It's very difficult to figure out how to turn them on.

The Colonel's Regiment found one in their hotel room during Mission 12 12 Helsinki. After spending a day in ignorance, David eventually managed to operate it by turning on the sink tap, then depressing the trigger on the bum shower. This enabled him to alternate using the sink and the bum shower. He gave Mike and Steve a running commentary of his exploits, exclaiming, "Sink. Bum shower! Sink. Bum shower! Sink. Bum shower!"


Commieatrons are mainly located in former Eastern block countries and are used as sites for Communist rallies. They are usually cheap and ugly constructions, made entirely out of concrete and designed to appear imposing in order to reflect the power of the motherland. They are sometimes converted from sports stadiums, as is the case with the commieatron that the Colonel's Regiment discovered in 12 Helsinki. This particular commieatron was used for the 1952 Helsinki Olympics, before being used extensively as a commieatron throughout the cold war. The 12 Helsinki commieatron comes complete with a large watchtower to enable Russian snipers to pick off disruptive capitalist infiltrators.


Espoo is a suburb of 12 Helsinki. The Colonel's Regiment visited it during Mission 12 12 Helsinki. Contrary to the description in the Lonely Planet Guidebook, it is a complete dump. The most exciting thing the Regiment did was had a game of Poo sticks down by the river.

It is a regular occurrence in Finland for people on their way to Turku to get on the train to Espoo by mistake.

Frank Skinner

Frank Skinner
Frank Skinner

Frank Skinner, well, he's an English comedian, but he's also a drink.

Franziskaner, you're absolutely right.


Finnish for pancakes.


Pipari (plural) are served in the 12 Helsinki Christmas market and are usually provided as an accompaniment to Glogi. They are small ginger biscuits which are either star or segment shaped. It was noted during Mission 12 12 Helsinki that the standard of pipari provided at the Christmas market was inversely proportionally to the standard of the seller's Glogi.

Pooh mascots

Pooh mascots is a game adapted from pooh sticks, originally invented by Winnie-the-Pooh, It involves competitors selecting a Colonel's mascot and dropping him or her over the side of a bridge over a stream. The winner is the person whose mascot emerges first at the other side. Despite many suggestions of a game in the past, the Colonel's Regiment are yet to enjoy a game of pooh mascots.

Pooh sticks

Pooh sticks is a game originally invented by Winnie-the-Pooh and involves competitors dropping sticks on one side of a bridge over a stream. The winner is the person whose stick emerges first at the other side. The Colonel's Regiment have enjoyed many games of pooh sticks on missions, with games in The Hague, 12 Helsinki and 14 Hanover.

Poop on ice

Whilst the Colonel's Regiment have long been familiar with Moules on ice, Poop on ice is a relatively new phenomenon. Rupert decided to join Chris by taking to the ice in Helsinki. The Colonel's Regiment now realise that Poop on ice is a significantly more hilarious occurrence than Moules on ice. Rupert has less control, goes faster and falls over much more often. It's hilarious.

Rocky recreation

Rocky recreations involve running up a large set of steps and celebrating at the top, in the style of Rocky Balboa. The Colonel's regiment performed Rocky recreations in 12 Helsinki, whilst David and Mike have also performed Rocky recreations at the original Rocky site in Philadelphia.


Seurasaari is an open air museum in 12 Helsinki similar to Skansen in Stockholm. It has a wonderful kiosk and, like the state of Florida, is closed at various points throughout the year.