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Salzburg was the venue for mission 4, where the regiment recruited Kurt.


Mike's Salzburg Diary


A hunk of meat between two bits of bread

This is a classic luncheon item served in Germany and Austria. Missions 4 and 6 provided much opportunity for this dish to be sampled. The first experience of a hunk of meat between two bits of bread was at Berchtesgaden during mission 4. Steve declared his desire for this item at lunchtime, only to immediately see a cafe that served such a delicacy. In 6 Heidelberg a hunk of meat between two bits of bread could be readily obtained from the Christmas market. On the first day the Colonel's Regiment had to make do with Bratwurst and Feuerwurst for their lunch, but discovered a hunk of meat between two bits of bread in the form of Backschinke on their second day which satisfied their needs.

Christmas market

Christmas markets have become the mainstay of recent winter breaks. It has long been a winter tradition in Northern Europe for locals to brave the weather, venture outside to the centre of town and spend their afternoons drinking glühwein, munching on Bratwurst, Feuerwurst, Backschinke or Langos or maybe, if they're feeling really adventurous, purchasing a banane-schoko-mandelsplitter from their local Crepe Guy. The Colonel's Regiment spent a lot of their time at the Christmas market during Mission 4 4 Salzburg, Mission 6 6 Heidelberg, Mission 8 8 Oslo, Mission 10 10 Zürich, Mission 12 12 Helsinki, Mission 14 14 Hanover and Mission 18 18 Berlin. Germanic Christmas Markets are widely thought to be superior to their Scandinavian counterparts.

Head for the Golden Arches

A suggestion made by one of the Colonel's Regiment when looking for somewhere to eat. There is usually huge debate at both lunchtimes and before evening meals as to where would be a good place to eat. David and Steve usually get tired of such debates and one of them chips in with, "Shall we just head for the golden arches?" For the uninitiated, the "Golden Arches" refers to the fast food chain McDonald's. During Mission 4 4 Salzburg, the Colonel's Regiment were having a difficult time finding a place to eat on the second evening, and Steve and Mike had to be physically restrained from heading for the Golden Arches.

Inner city chess

The pieces for inner city chess
The pieces for inner city chess

The general concept here is that you get fat people from the suburbs of 4 Salzburg, dress them up in winter gear and force them to pit their wits against each other in a game of chess using a massive board on the ground. It's very cheap to make. You could do it in a piazza. Or a pub car park. If the Colonel's Regiment don't do it then York City Council will. The Colonel's Regiment witnessed a very exciting game of Inner City Chess during Mission 4 4 Salzburg. The standard was really rather poor.

Jon Voight

American actor and father of Angelina Jolie. He met the Colonel's Regiment in 4 Salzburg by the Glühwein stall. His German was impeccable as he ordered his beverages thus: "I'll have eine Alkoholfreierpunsch EEAND eine Walderbeerpunsch". It was suggested at the time that he should become the eighth Colonel's man.

Moules on ice

Moules, on ice.
Moules, on ice.

A performance that the Colonel's Regiment were fortunate enough to be treated to during mission 4 in Salzburg. Moules, a proficient skater, took to the ice whilst the remainder of the Colonel's Regiment sat by the side of the ice rink drinking glühwein and eating Mozart's balls. Chris did make one blunder during this display - he crashed into a little kid who got in his way and sent him flying. For this stunt, Chris got shouted at by an angry Austrian woman. The Little Lucky Leprechaun was also treated to a trip around the ice rink during the display.

Chris repeated the Moules On Ice show in Oslo, in a floodlit ice rink in the middle of a building site.

The regiment were treated to a third installment in Zürich, where Chris found a suitable rink in the courtyard of a museum. Unfortunately, it was so cold that the disgruntled boys were forced to take refuge in a boringamede just to keep warm.

In Helsinki, Chris repeated his show for a second third time, in the square next to the train station. This time, Rupert took part as well, for the new version of the show, Poop on ice.

Mr Ploppy

Mr Ploppy is justifiably proud of his achievement at being the first Ploppy to rise to be jailer. Like his unrelated namesakes, Mrs Ploppy and Ploppy, he works for Edmund Blackadder, the Lord High Executioner. The Colonel's Regiment has never been fortunate enough to encounter Mr Ploppy on their travels, but on stumbling across Mrs Ploppy in 4 Salzburg, the role of Mr Ploppy was taken by David with Steve taking the role of Ploppy. Mr Ploppy also has a fascinating collection of skin diseases.

Mrs Ploppy

Many people think that Mrs Ploppy is the wife of Mr Ploppy, but that's just pure coincidence — they did laugh when first they found out. Like her could-be husband Mr Ploppy, and the equally unrelated Ploppy, Mrs Ploppy works for the Lord High Executioner in 4 Salzburg.



Solo! is a word that sums up Mission 4 4 Salzburg. Just after a very disappointing final night meal and the revealing of Toulouse as the destination for mission 5, the Colonel's Regiment wandered to the ice rink and partook of some glühwein to drown their sorrows. Whilst there, they were confronted by a very drunken vagabond. He was attracted by Dave's vagabond bag and decided to join us. He talked for a while and, when Dave decided to take a sneaky picture of him, we were a bit concerned. However, he said, "You take another picture" and Steve and Mike said, "Yes, but with us!" David also joined in and a picture was taken. However, shortly afterwards he pushed them aside and said "Solo!" holding his arms out wide to pose for another picture. After Steve had retrieved the two Euros each for the glühwein cups, the Colonel's Regiment wandered to a nearby bar and did several recreations of the "Solo!" incident on route.

Vagabond bag

Whilst in 4 Salzburg, Dave carried around what could only be described as a vagabond bag to keep his camera in. This vagabond bag caused a vagabond to join us for some glühwein and then to pose for a photo solo.