Stop telling me what to do

From The Colonel's Website
Jump to: navigation, search

A phrase originally coined by Michael in the BBC hit series "I'm Alan Partridge". He expresses his desire to go with Alan to find a traffic cone and hold it up to his mouth like a tannoy (speaker system), before shouting the aforementioned phrase through the cone. As a tribute to this great moment of comedy, this phrase has been shouted through traffic cones at all of The Colonel's Weekend Breaks so far.

In Paris
In 22px-Flag of France.svg.png Colonel.pngColonel.png1 Paris, Steve found a traffic cone bigger than he was and shouted through it, though he really struggled to lift it.
1 cone
In Dublin
On Mission 2 22px-Flag of Ireland.svg.png Colonel.png2 Dublin, Steve and David found a pair of traffic cones in the countryside near Newgrange, which they shouted through whilst Amal and Mike looked on.
2 cones
In Stockholm
In 22px-Flag of Sweden.svg.png Colonel.png3 Stockholm, Steve found a set of traffic cones in an alleyway around the corner from the Royal Palace on the last night. Unable to believe it, he declared, "It's gotta be done", before himself, Chris and Mike did the business with the traffic cones, whilst David took the picture.
3 cones
In Salzburg
22px-Flag of Austria.svg.png Colonel.png4 Salzburg proved difficult, but the Colonel's Regiment did find a solitary traffic cone stuck to the ground by the river. Rupert was a little the worse for wear and shouted "Stop telling me what to do" through it.
1 cone
In Genoa
In 22px-Flag of Italy.svg.png Colonel.png5 Genoa the Colonel's Regiment were lucky enough to find a plethora of traffic cones and so Dave, David, Chris, Rupert and Mike did the shouting whilst Amal took the picture.
5 cones
In Heidelberg
Rupert performed a "Stop telling me what to do!" in 22px-Flag of Germany.svg.png Colonel.png6 Heidelberg. For this, he used the only traffic cone we could find in the old town. It was screwed to a pole and Steve had to unscrew it to allow Rupert to remove it and shout through it. It was hilarious.
1 cone
In Barcelona
In 22px-Flag of Spain.svg.png Colonel.pngColonel.png7 Barcelona traffic cones were thin on the ground. However, on a trip up to the Olympic stadium, the Colonel's Regiment were lucky enough to find more traffic cones than they could possibly need lining the streets. David and Mike obliged with the traditional tribute.
2 cones
In Oslo
In 22px-Flag of Norway.svg.png Colonel.png8 Oslo there was again a problem finding traffic cones. The only one the regiment found in the centre was just off the main street, attached to a length of tape around a building site. On the night when the recreation was performed, there were a couple of policemen patrolling the streets. However, they stopped to arrest a rogue Santa Claus and at this point, Mike stepped in, picked up the cone and shouted "Stop telling me what to do!".
1 cone
In Amsterdam
22px-Flag of the Netherlands.svg.png Colonel.png9 Amsterdam proved tricky. No cones were found in the whole city. However, on the last full day, Dave, Mike, David and Steve went for a walk through Vondelpark whilst the dicking around boys were visiting the Rijksmuseum. As they were about to leave the park, they came across a rollerblader who was skating around small yellow cones on the floor. Seizing their opportunity when the rollerblader went to sit down for a rest, Steve and Mike rushed in and performed the recreation.
2 cones
In Zurich
20px-Flag of Switzerland.svg.png Colonel.png10 Zürich again proved difficult. On the very first day, the Colonel's regiment found a stack of cones in a shed underneath a bandstand in a park. However, they decided not to go for it. This proved to be a good decision, as a couple of policemen soon entered the park. After two days of no sightings whatsoever, the Colonel's regiment were getting worried. On the final full day, they walked around a corner near the river and discovered a rather large lone cone lying on the pavement trapped under a sign. A strange old Swiss man had just parked his car next to it and seemed to be examining it. David waited for some time and, by the time the man had wandered away, he moved in, quickly picked up the cone and shouted "Stop telling me what to do!" He replaced the cone underneath the sign rapidly, as it was by the side of a very busy road. The tribute to Michael was thus continued for another break.
1 cone
22px-Flag of Poland.svg.png Colonel.png11 Gdańsk saw, in many ways, the most bizarre "Stop telling me what to do!" in history. For the first two days, the Colonel's Regiment only found one cone in the entire city. It was chained to the ground a few hundred yards from the hotel. On the final full day, they left the hotel, only to discover a white cone just across the road blocking off a parking space. It was decided that it had to be done. David rushed over to that cone, whilst Mike rushed the two hundred yards down the street to the other one. Jon took the picture, cleverly getting David in the foreground shouting "Stop telling me what to do!" with Mike in the distance hold up the cone which was chained to the ground and shouting "Stop telling me what to do!" at the same time. 2 cones
In Helsinki
22px-Flag of Finland.svg.png Colonel.png12 Helsinki was perhaps the most straightforward city to perform "Stop telling me what to do!" cries in. On the first evening, the Colonel's regiment were gifted with many opportunities to recreate Michael's famous cry. After turning down a suggestion to move two massive cones nearer to a small one to notch up three cones, they eventually came across 4 traffic cones surrounding a skip, so Mike, Steve and Rupert moved in and performed the famous tribute, whilst David and Chris secured photographic evidence.
3 cones
In Reykjavik
22px-Flag of Iceland.svg.png Colonel.png13 Alan-Shearer.png 25 Reykjavík had cones aplenty. On the first day, the Colonel's Regiment walked into the centre to be confronted with a building site with a vast collection of cones. As they required 4 cones and there were only 4 of them on the break, the most difficult issue was obtaining photographic evidence. However, after dinner on the first night, the Colonel's Regiment selected 4 cones, positioned the camera on the wheel of a digger, set it on timer delay and performed the tribute.
4 cones
Hanover Cones
22px-Flag of Germany.svg.png Colonel.png14 Hanover took its role as host city seriously and was well prepared. Five cones had been conveniently arranged outside the town hall. Mike, Steve, Rupert, David and Seamus performed the necessary tribute while Dave took the picture.
5 cones
In 20px-Flag of Switzerland.svg.png Colonel.png15 Geneva, the United Nations Building provided the necessary cones, conveniently located outside the visitor centre. While waiting for their tour, the men performed the tribute while a bemused security guard looked on. 6 cones
Athens Cones
In 22px-Flag of Greece.svg.png Colonel.png16 Athens, cones were furnished by the municipal tramway corporation. The Colonel's men executed a textbook manoeuvre to obtain a 7-cone combo, and only Rupert got run over.
7 cones
Porto Cones
Cones proved difficult to come by in 22px-Flag of Portugal.svg.png Colonel.png17 Porto. Eventually, courtesy of the Red Bull Air Race that was being held in the city at the same time as Mission 17 22px-Flag of Portugal.svg.png Colonel.png17 Porto, Seamus and Reardon were able to perform the tribute using giant, inflatable cones. Dave gathered the necessary evidence.
2 cones
22px-Flag of Germany.svg.png Colonel.png18 Berlin In Berlin the Colonel's regiment went on a walk around the route of the old Berlin wall and spied several cones on the road in front of a piece of the wall. David, Mike and Rupert performed the tribute whilst Steve took the photo. Once they had done this, the regiment went for some Germknoedel. 3 cones
Valletta Cones
22px-Flag of Malta.svg.png Colonel.png19 Valletta itself did not yield any cones. Fortunately, on an excursion to the Dingli Cliffs, the regiment came across a selection of cones in a small square. Steve, Mike, David and Dave did the honours, while Rupert captured the moment. Sadly, Robert was too far ahead to join in the action.
4 cones
In Bruges
22px-Flag of Belgium (civil).svg.png Colonel.png20 Bruges was once again a difficult destination for cones. Although several hundred of them were being used for the Bruges triathlon, these were under heavy guard. Fortunately, a friendly home owner had placed a few cones under a pile of rubble in his garden. Steve managed to extract one of these and perform the tribute while Rupert gathered the evidence.
1 cone
In 22px-Flag of Hungary.svg.png Colonel.png21 Budapest there were very few cones. Eventually, two cones were found in front of a truck. The driver of the truck was on his mobile phone and was looking at his colleagues who were up a ladder repairing a building so whilst he was distracted, David and Steve performed the tribute and Dave took the photo.
2 cones
In 22px-Flag of Portugal.svg.png Colonel.png22 Lisbon there were very few cones once again. The Colonel's regiment found three cones in Belem in front of a ponceatron, very spread out. Steve, Dave and Mike shouted "stop telling me what to do!" whilst David and Chris took the photos.
3 cones
In 22px-Flag of Denmark.svg.png Colonel.png23 Copenhagen there were very few cones once again! The Colonel's regiment took a trip to Helsingor and found one at the castle. David did the tribute whilst Dave took the photo.
1 cone
In 22px-Flag of the Netherlands.svg.png Colonel.png24 Arnhem the Colonel's regiment spotted sufficient cones shortly after their arrival. While sitting down for lunch at Le Café, they noticed that a man operating a crane had generously left a selection of cones for their use. David and Dave immediately performed the tribute while Rupert captured the moment.
2 cones
In 22px-Flag of Belgium (civil).svg.png Colonel.png25 Ghent the Colonel's regiment spotted three cones balancing on fence posts behind some waste ground. The first attempt had to be aborted when Steve spotted two people taking an unhealthy interest in proceedings. At the second attempt, Steve, Rupert and David successfully performed the tribute while Dave took the picture.
3 cones
In 22px-Flag of Germany.svg.png Alan-Shearer.png 21 Colonel.png26 Garmisch-Partenkirchen cones were a bit thin on the ground. Eventually, on their excursion up the Zugspitze, the Colonel's Men spotted a solitary cone. Unfortunately, it had a metal plate bolted to the underside, making it rather unwieldy. However, it was decided not to take the risk of total failure, so Mike performed the tribute while David collected the evidence.
1 cone
In 22px-Flag of Bulgaria.svg.png Colonel.png27 Sofia the Colonel's men encountered a set of 7 traffic cones on their way to the Socialist museum of art, outside a restaurant. Steve and Mike performed the tribute, whilst the remaining men took the photographs.
2 cones
In 22px-Flag of Austria.svg.png Colonel.png28 Vienna the Colonel's men encountered a line of cones several metres apart between a tram line and a major road. Chris, David, Mike and Rupert braved the traffic to perform the tribute whilst Dave took the picture.
4 cones
On Mission 29 22px-Flag of Luxembourg.svg.png Colonel.png29 Luxembourg (City) the Colonel's men encountered a line of cones by the side of the road whilst driving through the village of Wiltz. They pulled over in a Smatch car park and did the tribute. Steve, David and Mike took a cone each whilst Rupert bravely took on two cones. Dave took the picture.
5 cones
On Mission 30 22px-Flag of Norway.svg.png Colonel.png30 Bergen the Colonel's men found four cones in the grounds of Bergen castle by the Rosenkrantz tower. They were all stacked on each other and attached together by tape. David and Mike took one each whilst Rupert took two. They performed the tribute whilst Dave took the picture.
4 cones
On Mission 31 22px-Flag of Poland.svg.png Colonel.png31 Kraków the Colonel's men found five cones on the south-east edge of the main square protecting a hosepipe attached to a tanker truck.
5 cones
Total cones shouted through by Colonel's men 88 cones
Total cones shouted through by Michael in "I'm Alan Partridge" 0 cones

Current standings by Colonel's man

Mike David Rupert Steve Dave Chris LLL Reardon
21 cones 20 cones 17 cones 16 cones 7 cones 4 cones 2 cones 1 cone